ANGER IS A FEELING— There is a difference between feelings and actions. As a man, you have learned to emphasize action over feelings. In order to deal more effectively with your anger, you must separate the emotion of anger from feeling like you have to act it out in any way, on others or on yourself. Although I will give you some ideas on how to focus and discharge your anger, there really is no need to do anything when you are angry other than feel it.
There is a way to be lovingly strict. I am referring to the boundaries and limits you set in relationships that send the message that you have needs which deserve to be respected.
We are in an ever-accelerating “hurry up” culture, one in which human beings are required to make remarkable adaptations to increasingly technologically driven lifestyles and consumer-oriented pressures. This spiraling pace requires us to move so quickly that we tend to override and become desensitized to our bodily sensations and our feelings. In this anesthetized state we ironically require more stimulation— bigger, better, newer, louder, faster— just to grab and hold our attention.
Too often we think of listening as waiting for the other person to stop talking so we can get our opinion, feelings, or thoughts expressed. Although this is a common habit, with your willingness and steady practice you can develop the very fundamental skill of listening into a true art form, one that conveys compassion for the other. Here I offer three simple steps to work with: Hearing, Absorbing, and Reflecting.
I realize I am constantly writing about relationships, and helping people in my work develop the skills so they can develop, build, and maintain their relationships. Sometimes friendships and relationships don't work, fall apart or simply drift away. This too is a part of life, and something I see in my work and also write about; breakups, divorce, keeping the marriage together, maintaining friendships and familial relationships. Everything seems to pertain to some aspect of relationships. Either, keeping them together, or learning to live apart.
Couples argue about the budget for one reason and one reason only: the budget doesn’t work. You already know your budget doesn’t work. What you don’t know is why. Challenge: Why your budget doesn’t work Most couples leave little to no wiggle room in the budget for unexpected expenses. Can you think of a single week of your life where everything went as planned? No. So why would you create a budget that is unable to accommodate real life?
Are you in a relationship in your personal or professional life with someone who is constantly and consistently critical? No matter what you do there’s always an element of something wrong with it? Bullies come in all shapes and forms and are very prevalent at home, in families, and in the workplace. They often leave us speechless and feeling helpless. Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
How many times have you found yourself in conversations where someone brings up their painful past? It's the broken record that comes up again and again and all the apologies in the world never seem to make it go away. So why do people do this? And more importantly, what can be done to put the past to rest? Here's what's going on. When a person brings up the past, there is something they want or need in the present. It's evidence of what they need right now. It's a here-and-now problem, not a past problem. That is why apologizing doesn't work.
A friend asked me recently about his attraction to a woman he knows is in a committed relationship. He thought it wouldn't hurt him to fantasize about her since he doesn't have any other prospects. He also admits he doesn't feel so good about himself since he is (like the rest of us) getting older and feeling like he might not be attractive to women. And he thinks that the women he finds attractive wouldn't be interested in him. So I wrote him a few thoughts which I thought I'd share here for others:
When I learned he cheated, I thought I was doomed to a lifelong sentence of victimhood. To my surprise, less than two years later, I no longer feel like a victim, I feel like a survivor. Now, I want to show you how you can be a survivor, too!