By Stephenie Zamora , from GalTime Don't worry-- You're NOT losing it! Do you ever feel like you should be more experienced, further along or more on top of things in your life? That you should have an amazing career, the perfect husband and a clear sense of who you are and where you're supposed to be? Worse, that you should already 'be there by now?' It's time for a reality check.
We all go through ups and downs in a long term relationship. I am no exception to this rule. One thing I’ve noticed in my own relationship, as well as in my clients , is that there can be a phase in which your husband, boyfriend, or partner is no longer initiating sex with you.
Little secrets run rampant with couples—you said you were working late when you were out at a bar with your friends after work or you said the shoes you just bought cost $80.00 when in fact they cost $280.00. While on the surface they may seem innocent enough, in the long run, keeping secrets in order to avoid confrontation, conflict, manipulation, or in some cases, potential divorce, wreaks havoc on the health and well-being of a marriage. And while these little white lies or omissions may appear to work in keeping the peace in the short run, in the long run, both spouses lose.
“I love you. You're the best. I love listening to you. I love everything about you. You do no wrong in my book. Oh my god, you're so amazing. Oh my god, it's so cute the way that you eat your cereal. I love the way you roll over in the middle of the night and mumble in your sleep—it's so cute.” Now fast forward a year later.
My friend Jonathan is self-employed and single. He talks about how it would be so nice to have a relationship in his life and yet I do not see him making the time for the process of dating. He tells me that his work is very demanding and that he is barely keeping up with his clients.
This concept first was presented to me by my first true love. I remember the moment clearly, though I have to admit, it happened nearly 40 years ago! I was sitting on the stairs of the art museum waiting for my art class to begin. His name was Dennis and I had certainly noticed him before this moment. His good looks and confident swag were hard to miss. I had not, however, considered him as a possible love match - until that moment.
QUESTION I am 34 and have been single for way too long. I would love to meet someone, but it seems that every time I do, the person doesn’t like me or ends up being unavailable. I usually have an easy time making friends, so of course, when I am not romantically interested in someone, that person ends up liking me. It’s very frustrating since I have no idea why this is happening. I was wondering, do you think it’s just human nature to want what you cannot have? ANSWER
Our childhood wounds continue to resurface through our life. If we had parents who are judgmental or critical we will attract judging relationships that will bring this experience to the present for us to feel and heal. Our response while triggered by criticism may be that we judge ourselves in a negative way. Another result of this childhood experience could be that we become our parent and be judgmental and critical to our own children or others. Either way we have learned this communication as children from our parents or caregivers.
Divorce is always good for women, if not right away, then eventually. I say this because women typically do not divorce on a whim, they do so after years sacrificing their wants and needs for the benefit of others, until they finally learn that unhappiness is not par for the course. Women take unhappiness more seriously than men because unhappiness takes a bigger toll on us.
Truth tellin’ time, ya’ll. You’ve had some relationships. Some great ones and some horrible ones and maybe most were somewhere a little bit of both. No matter how they turned out, they all revealed something about you. Something important. Something that you can learn from and evolve from and ultimately, if you want to, be able to gather your energy in such a way that you become a powerful magnet for your true love and living your dream life with him.