Several years ago a woman called me to get some help on her marriage. After a couple of sessions her husband agreed to come for couples coaching. On the calls it seemed like neither partner practiced listening to the other one effectively. Because of this, neither one felt understood, so conflict seemed to be the way they showed each other that their needs were going unmet.
When you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time, there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seem to be common sense, most people don't have a clue how to go about.
"How could you be so stupid? You look horrible, you fat cow! Who would want to go out with you? and, Looks like you've done it again — scared off another one ...”
This question came via email: “I have been married to a man for 20 years (2 children later) that I do not and have never loved like I feel I should. I married in a rush and BECAUSE I felt like that's what God wanted for me at the time. I almost left him at the altar. I have been loving and caring, and submissive. I have prayed for all these years for God to give me the love I need. Well, recently I have fallen ‘madly in love’ with a person that I have a work relationship with. There is no sex involved. I have been faithful.
There are many reasons we get into relationships and the real reason is almost never what we think it is. Instead, we feel we find that we have some things in common with the object of our attraction and we end up in a relationship. Then the proverbial "you-know-what" hits the fan and we feel like we've been duped when the real reasons come to the surface.
The simple pleasure of getting to know another human being can sometimes buckle under the weight of unrealistic expectations or the baggage of previous relationships. How do you know that you are ready to date? Even consider becoming a couple? Ask yourself these questions before you jump right in with your eyes wide shut:
Last night on my Twitter feed, I noticed a colleague tweeted a statistic: “29% of people have sex on a first date. “ And I wonder which percentage of that 29 % gets to the second date! This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite texts I once read on Textsfromlastnight.com: “(845): I'm going to have sex with him on the second date. I don't give a **** what Patti Stanger says.” To each her own, huh?
For many women, the devastation of getting hurt goes back to childhood. If you did not get the love and support you desired from your family, it can deeply affect your ability to openly love and trust a man. Even if the greatest guy in the world showed up on your doorstep you wouldn't allow him into your heart because of the emotional wall you have built. This wall serves as a protective barrier designed to prevent you from having your heart broken again. The wall serves its purpose in protecting you from the guys who will hurt you again but unfortunately the wall makes it impossible for the good guys to find their way to your heart.
If you tend to struggle with food, weight and body image, holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas can be particularly challenging, because they revolve so much around food and mealtimes. For the food addict*, it can feel like there is no escape. Unlike other addictions food is not something you can simply go cold turkey (pun intended) especially this time of year.
By GalTimer Staci Cox "Everything worth having is worth fighting for"~ unknown. A favorable quote that's been around for years. But is it true? In many cases people refer to this quote when dealing with love or relationships. How much fighting is too much? Who decides if the battle is worth fighting for? I'm a lover, and I fight for my love. In love and in war both parties must know what they're fighting for and whether it's worth the fight.