This guest article from Psych Central was written by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, written with Nan Silver, renowned clinical psychologist and marriage researcher John Gottman, Ph.D, reveals what successful relationships look like and features valuable activities to help couples strengthen their relationships.
You’re reviewing the year and hesitant to set new "love goals" for 2012 – fearful if you do you’re setting yourself up for disappointment as you enter the New Year. Much easier to give up and call it a day, right? Read this first...
I’ll admit it. I like to be right. No, correction, I LOVE to be right. And in my former, less evolved life, being right was top priority in my relationships – romantic, professional, familial and otherwise. Being right felt good! It felt powerful and validating. But it also felt very lonely and shame ridden. Being right too often had too many costs associated with it. After all, even if I won, he lost, which means we both lost. A zero-sum game.
All too often I hear from clients that they wish they had time to date but they just don’t. My immediate reply is, “You are already in a relationship.” A puzzled look ensues. It is true, I insist. You are already in a relationship. It might not be with a man, but it is with something. Something is consuming your resources making it difficult and oftentimes impossible to make room for a romantic relationship.
Holding out for the ideal mate is crucial to attaining a truly satisfying and enduring relationship. It's never a good idea to settle for less when it comes to love. When you can't find the person who's right for you, dating gets tiresome and discouraging. It's easy to lose hope that you'll ever find the right person, but that's no reason to settle for someone who is not your Mr. or Ms. Right.
Are you clinging to a relationship that's causing you pain because you've convinced yourself that you've have found your soulmate? Do you believe that it's just a matter of time until he "wakes up" and realizes you're the perfect woman for him? Well, I can tell you from experience if just one of you thinks you're soulmates you're most likely not. You've gotten caught in the soulmate or stalemate trap. I've been there and I know how hard it is to set yourself free.
Are you too needy in your relationships? If you are you'll end up sabotaging them even when you've found a good man! The most recurring problem women tell me about is their inability to maintain a long and committed relationship with a man because of their constant sense of neediness. So what are some of the main ways you can be too needy and cause yourself constant heartbreak and disappointment with men?
Your boyfriend or husband has a new woman in his life and you’re not sure what to think. He says that they are just friends but you don’t feel quite sure about that. You can’t let go of the feeling there may be something else going on between them. Knowing the five signs of when a female friend isn’t just a friend will help you start looking out for more signs that your partner may be cheating on you. Sign #1: He Doesn’t Want You to Meet Her
Both parents and spouses can be guilty of a habit that undermines relationships. That is the habit of speaking up only to point out what’s wrong while letting good behaviors pass without comment. We all need to take responsibility for making our families an encouraging place to be. No relationship can thrive in an atmosphere of criticism. In fact criticism is so destructive that John Gottman dubbed it one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – major destroyers of relationships.
The New Year is an exciting time full of possibility. It is a time for change and new beginnings. It is often a time designated to evaluate one's current situation—both personally and professionally—and to make proclamations (resolutions) about how things can improve or grow.