By Denise Wade Ph.D.
Everyone wants love but not everyone finds it. Interestingly enough, when you love or are in love, you know exactly what it is. Love paints our view of the world and bestows purpose and meaning to life. Somehow, when love is absent or lost, amnesia sets in. It's hard to define love; you ask if it's even real. You are either on a journey toward love or on a journey to defy it.
"I thought we had something real." Jen sobbed. "He was the most romantic man I had ever been with. He was so polite and showered me with gifts and flowers." "I didn't want to sleep with him yet, but he seemed so perfect." Her voice cracked again. "What happened," I asked gently. "He changed completely. He stopped texting first and then before I knew what happened, he started flirting with other girls on Facebook, and now..."
"Honey, I just got us tickets for a romantic getaway to a tropical island next month where it is warm and they have beautiful beaches." Sounds perfect doesn't it? A winter retreat to break up the stress and dreary cold days and leave your worries behind. Actually, this can be terrible news. For most women, an island getaway means facing the prospect of being seen in a bathing suit!
Ever wonder why it is so hard to hear from your intuition when it comes to love? You might very well be experiencing rocking success with the other parts of your life. In fact, I hear that from you in the notes you leave on my Facebook wall. Readers of my best selling book, the Map, continually write to me and rave about how finding the clues along their personal inner Maps is reaping great rewards. So why does your intuition get all fuzzy when it comes to matters of the heart?
“Remember that you are dust and to dust, you shall return.” This Biblical verse is one that many hear during an Ash Wednesday service, marking the beginning of Lent. It is commonly said as ashes are placed on their forehead. For those involved, this is a powerful reminder of our mortality and the need for both confession and repentance. Creating a new start in our own lives is very similar. A new start is most likely to succeed if we start by setting aside the old and the things we have not done the way we should. The beginning of Lent can be a time of a new start but the lessons of this season can be applied anytime. Preparing for this can be important, as described in “6 Steps to Avoid a Temptation”. However, when it is starting over again, Ash Wednesday teaches us another important lesson.
I can’t wait to hear your opinion. After all, one person’s dirty is another person’s flirty. This is one word that gets such a rise out of people though I think it might really be a dirty word. Clue Number One: It starts with A. Now, before you run through all the swear words you know, this one has 9 letters. It makes some people’s skin crawl. It ends in an e.
How do you start your morning? Maybe you begin by first opening your eyes and realizing: it’s a brand new day. Where do your thoughts go from there? Whatever you think next will either set you up for success—or have the potential to sink your spirit and day. Do you feel frustrated with your alarm clock and angry that it’s going off? As if you’ve been robbed? Do you grumble as you stumble out of bed?
What do you do when you get a knot in your stomach in response to someone being subtly inauthentic, angry, judgmental, demanding or needy? You know in your gut that this person wants something from you - you can feel the pull on you - but it is not overt. Another person, even a therapist, looking at the interaction, may not pick up the wounded, pulling energy.
It’s Monday and you’re talking on the phone with a nice guy you’re interested in. After some chit-chat he finally asks you out on a date. It goes something like this: Nice Guy: Do you want to go out for dinner Saturday night? You: Yes, that would be nice. Nice Guy: Okay, I’ll call you later in the week to firm up the plans. I’m looking forward to it. You: Me too. Talk then. [Click.]