None of the three Conflict Personality Types are bad or wrong. However, they all presuppose that conflict warrants a red-alert warning to the system, as would be the case if a tiger with yard-long claws was running you down. Often, conflict, although admittedly uncomfortable, is a huge opportunity for some part of the relationship dynamic to be shaken loose and upgraded. We often miss or overlook the opportunity entirely, so busy are we trying to maintain our safety from the perceived threat by Freezing, Fighting or Fleeing.
I have to admit, given the popularity of last week's message on the power of habits, I am noticing a habit I have. I have the habit of celebrating Holidays, no matter what they are! Any excuse for a celebration works for me. Today's Holiday — St. Patrick's Day — much like most Holidays, is one that has evolved over the years, to say the least.
One of the most vetted topics out there is – “How do you keep the sex fresh after years?” My advice: Brush your genitals! Literally, minus the toothpaste! Like I am always saying you don’t have to bend like a pretzel or preform like a circus act to have the most exciting sex life. You can add simple things (like a toothbrush) or tweak your regular routine to keep things interesting (adding lights, re: previous post “Lights Off”)!
Critical words are hard to avoid in any relationship from personal to work and usually- especially in romantic. I’m sure we’re all guilty of it from one time or another but let me tell you what that does. Say you think your companion dresses like a nerd and you’re always getting on him about the way he dresses. Well, all it takes is one girl passing by to say- “hey, nice bowtie” and something clicks. They light up in a different way because someone appreciates this quirky thing about them.
I had an interesting conversation this morning with a friend about temptation and thought I’d blog about it while it’s still fresh in my mind. We were discussing a recent infidelity that he experienced with his wife - the how’s and why’s of her actions. Infidelity leaves such a huge scar. I wish more people could see the depth of the scar- how it will affect their companion emotionally, their next relationship, etc.
Most daters will be the first to tell you- they hate dating. I don’t have to explain why. If you’ve ever dated, I’m sure the words have slipped your tongue once or twice. It’s simple, daters don’t actually like the “legwork” so to speak of actually starting a relationship. I would say in general, people really enjoy being in relationships, it’s just the getting there that’s tricky.
A few months ago I read “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage”- by Elizabeth Gilbert who is one of my favorite people not only to read but to listen to. She reads her own audio books and she speaks as beautiful as her writing sounds. In her book she mentioned that her and her partner were having a dispute, and they were both at that point to where (and I think we can all relate to this) they were right on the verge of saying some words out of frustration and anger and her partner stopped her- and said “Let’s be careful”- meaning let&rsqu
I was rifling through the daily news this week and I came across this article - http://www.examiner.com/wellness-in-hartford/are-romance-novels-bad-for-... Which I quickly assessed as shenanigans on many, many counts. I say let the dreamers dream. Women that read erotica have a 30% higher libido than women who don’t and are more prone to try new things in bed.
It’s a fine balance to know when/what/how much to say, but I think we’ve seen too many movies where if the girl or the guy would have just said what they were thinking…everything would have been okay?! I think this line of thinking is unhealthy and one of desperation! If you find yourself in this hole, start hollering for some rope. DO NOT JUST CHILL here and see how much further down you can go. This is dating suicide.
“Lights off please!!” Have you heard that recently? I hear it ALL the time from clients and from my very own friends! This happens for a couple of reasons- none that are shocking. 1.) Body Image Issues- it’s no secret, America is more overweight than ever before and most people who are overweight are very uncomfortable by it, reasonably so. Even for women who have wonderful bodies have body image issues because you know what- we are all competing with PHOTOSHOP! Give it up girls!