By: Talking Teenage, Jennifer A. Powell-Lunder, Psy.D. for GalTime.com The second she walks into my office I can tell she is in distress. She does not mince words. “I’m afraid my daughter’s a stalker,” she blurts. I see immediate relief in her face once she verbalizes this. She proceeds to tell me about her daughter’s behavior in regards to a new crush. The specifics of her tale aren’t as important as her very real concerns.
Relationships don't just happen when you are off the clock. As therapists and business coaches, we see how the two worlds of personal and business collide. Often when we see business coaching clients, they want to talk about what tools they can use to get their struggling business back on track. Inevitably we find the issue is a lot deeper. Sometimes behind a bad business is a bad relationship. Here are some signs that you might have a problem:
Have you ever noticed that whenever you have a problem, there you are? What does that tell you? Interesting that you are the common denominator - an inner mirror - a mirror that reflects you and your self-limiting beliefs which hold you back, causing the hurdles or keeping the hurdles in place. What you do think you deserve? What do you think you should have? What do you believe you can have?
In my first article, I described a transformational approach to changing your life, which becomes immediately possible with a very simple and even fun process that I call “getting out of the box. To better understand what I mean by being in the box, here is a simple process:
If you were to visit my web site right now: www.relationshipcoaching.com You would see this question is an integral part of my brand. It is a question that could take you down many paths. It could mean your-victim story. The story you tell yourself and others about why you didn't have-don't have-can't have-won't have good stuff. This Story could be titled: Life Sucks and then you die.
Do you find that you have a pattern of trying to hide your negative feelings from a man who isn't treating you the way you wish he would? When we women love a man and feel that his feelings for us are not as strong as ours are, we feel A LOT of intense, scary feelings, most of which are negative. We are bitter, sad, scared, anxious and even angry. We also feel like we have to hold these feelings inside. We feel we have to stuff them down, keep them under wraps, so that our man doesn’t get turned off by our draining emotions.
One of the biggest misconceptions about love is that love is shaped like a pie. We are raised to believe that there is one "Mr. Right", one "Prince Charming", and one "soul-mate." This absolutist thinking sets us up for failure and disturbing and unwanted feelings of jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness that don't allow for love to grow, but in fact squelch and suppress it.
When couples take time apart to nourish their own friendships and interests, it's a sign of a healthy relationship. But what to do when facing a "commuter marriage" or long distance relationship? USA Today reports that these type of long-term arrangements are on the rise (http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/story/2012-02-20/Together...) and Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil weighs in on what these couples can do to keep the spark alive.
While I believe that most marriages can be saved, and that partners should do everything they can to work things out there are obviously circumstances under which leaving is the wiser choice. If you're getting more pain than pleasure from your partner, do not stay in an abusive relationship - and this can apply to a number of things: physical, emotional, psychological or verbal grenades being thrown at you.