I know what you're thinking right now. "Of course I'm ready for a relationship. It's what I've been waiting so long for! I just need to know how I can get one started!" Well, I'm certainly not arguing that you want a real relationship. I'm asking if you're ready for a real relationship.
Should you stay or should you go? This is the perennial question in long term relationships that have gotten stale. It's the question that launched my business, Romance Recovery, and the one that prompted me to write my new book, The Soulmate Myth. (YourTango readers can go here to get a preview) It’s an important question, but in order to answer it with clarity, you have to ask yourself another important question first.
On an Outward Bound in the mountains of California, I hugged the rock ledge and refused to look down. One hundred and forty feet of sheer granite cascaded to a hard landing on more granite and I wanted to hire a helicopter to rescue me.
Well it’s official. Heidi Klum has filed for divorce from pop-star husband, Seal. One of Hollywood’s most loved couples, mostly for their longevity and public displays of affection. This couple was known for renewing their vows each year and having famous Halloween parties. Twitter is all aglow with comments on how hopeless love is if these two can’t make it and I think a great many of us are looking at divorce entirely wrong.
We all dream of having our ideal home, ideal man and unlimited funds in our bank account, and then can’t figure out why it’s not manifesting. What you might be surprised to know what’s really keeping you stuck is a fear of having it all. We have such a fear of having it all, that we’ll often create situations to ensure there’s at least ONE area of our life that doesn’t work.
With today's fast paced lifestyle, it can be tough to find the time to meet a man. That's why so many women end up peering over their office cubicle to see if a co-worker might be "Mr. Right." But workplace romances can be fraught with complications. GalTime checked in with an expert Michael Crom, Executive Vice President of Dale Carnegie Training, to see what the "right" way is to conduct an office romance.
A new client I’m working with confided she downplayed a recent bonus at work from her unemployed husband, fearing it would make him feel inadequate. I’ll be expanding on women as the main breadwinners in an upcoming article. In the meantime, it did get me thinking about how women relate to money and men.
Many, many times I witness women giving their power away to men. You start out strong, confident and having a full life, and as the relationship progresses, you wake up one day realizing you haven't spoken to your friends in months and your whole life revolves around supporting the man in your life. Ugh! Boundaries are very useful because they act like a "fence" protecting your property. When you have healthy boundaries set up that you stick to, it gives you more freedom to make better choices in your romantic life.
One reason your relationships tend to fail is that you start out well enough, but then slowly, without realizing it, you start to give away your power. This process is insidious and before you know it, instead of having a healthy give and take, the relationship has lost its balance. When you give your power away it erodes your self-esteem and you start to feel a sense of unease and resentment. This affects how you show up as half of a couple and can't help but create tension and dissatisfaction.
It might just be the last taboo: admitting you don't find your partner physically attractive anymore. In a culture that worships physical beauty and encourages you to place attraction somewhere near the first spot on a list of non-negotiables when choosing a marriage partner, admitting that you don't always find your partner attractive is considered blasphemous and a valid reason to walk away.