A few short weeks ago I was standing in Santa Monica, CA at 7:30p. The sun was kissing me through the giant palm trees. I was preparing to head home to NYC, directly into the fourth four foot snow storm of the season. A giant voice booming out of the back of my head said, “Tell the truth. You love it here. You don’t want to leave.” I heard myself repeat those same words as I looked around to see who said them first. Haha! I did.
It happened again. Gwen and her husband, Paul, were snuggling on the couch. The kids were in bed and they finally had a few moments to be alone together. It felt so warm and comfortable for Gwen to be in Paul's arms. He stroked her back and they began to kiss-- affectionately at first and then with increasing passion. As the intensity of their intimacy grew, a part of Gwen began to withdraw. Yes, she was physically right there with Paul as they kissed and stroked one another, but on the inside she was freezing up and the moment was no longer pleasant or comfortable for her. Paul could sense her pulling away from him and asked if she was okay. She sighed and replied that she was “just tired.” They turned on the tv instead of heading to the bedroom.
The Masons are a mysterious and sacred order who put much stock in the ritual significance of the corner stone to determine the overall essence of a building. The cornerstone of my practice is that there are “no rules” when it comes dating. The first thing I teach is to throw out the rules we’ve been taught about how dating and relationships work and begin to live by our internal compass. When I work with you there is no magic formula I use.
We can't control the future. We can't control the outcome of most events in our lives. We can, however, control how we choose to respond to the fear-based "what-if" thoughts that descend on our minds like an avalanche and try to pull us away from this moment, right here, right now.
In the 43 years I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many of those who sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems.
Christian Grey is a predator, but one that we can imagine taming; just enough so he will be a mate, but not so much that he becomes boring. He's darkly erotic, powerfully sexy and ready to be "cured." What a fantasy! He is the quintessential "wounded guy". That's the real draw to this story and why it's topping the bestseller lists.
Do you keep on attracting the same guy over and over? That one that just won’t commit, or just seems to want a little “you know what” and nothing else…Wondering why you keep attracting the same man in a different body? Did you know your “manifestation mindset” could be holding you back in love? Do you find yourself scratching your head wondering – WHERE ARE ALL THOSE QUALITY MEN!?!? In our 7 years of working with single women – we find them asking these questions over and over.
Getting to know your own body and all your pleasure zones is a dauting task. One myth I like to bust is that people think you should just "know" what turns you on. That's not the case though, it takes time, courage and lots of alone time to get down to the oohhs and ahhhs. However, even when people are alone, they are sometimes without a map! I have created a video for women (to get to know themselves better) and men (to get to know their ladies better) that will help introduce all of your erogenous zones.
A tip for dating is to take the time to put a dating plan into action so that you can be successful in your quest for love. Many of you are probably groaning to yourselves as you read this and thinking, “A dating plan? That sounds like work!” And thus, we come to the intial phase of your dating plan, which is to decide:
1. Safety: Are you physically, mentally, emotionally or verbally harmed? Are there times you are afraid of what your partner will do or say? Are there times that seeing your partner fills you with dread? 2. Self-esteem: Do you feel guilty, "less-than", not good enough, not worthy in your relationship? Does your partner criticize your behavior, your looks, or any other traits and qualities? Do you own that criticism and internalize it? Do you beat yourself up because of what you've done or continue to do?