I’ve been writing a lot lately about fairy tale myths and other lies that lead people to have unrealistic expectations in their relationships. The last lie I want to address is the myth that a healthy relationship is free of conflict. In other words, that Happily Ever After means you never fight. In my experience, the only romantic relationships that are free of conflict are the ones that don’t communicate their true feelings.
Yes, I said it…Charlie Sheen would be a great date. Now before you get your panties in a bunch and call the National Women’s Organization, hear me out. Let’s look at Charlie Sheen. He’s got more money than he’ll ever need for 10 lifetimes, he’s famous, has GQ looks and is in very good physical condition for his age….but he’s a freakin’ mess! So, why would he be a great date? Well, let me explain.
I think I understand where “warm-fuzzies” came from. I am just finishing “Marley & Me” and each time I pick it up, I cry deep, heartfelt tears. If you ever struggle with finding your daily heart connection here’s a bit from John Grogan’s book: “Was it possible for a dog––any dog, but especially a nutty, wildly uncontrollable one like ours––to point humans to the things that really matter in life? I believe it was. Loyalty. Courage. Devotion. Simplicity. Joy. And the things that did not matter, too.
I am not a huge music aficionado but I have some favorite artists and songs. Rihanna is right up there. Disturbia makes for a mean cha cha and a nice change from the old school Latin songs on the dance floor. When her latest hit, S & M, hit the airwaves, I turned up the volume. It’s got a great beat and the lyrics are a prescription for permission to invite the vixen out to play.
Can Men And Women Be Friends? Most of us have struggled with this issue, on whether men and women can be friends in a platonic way or will sex get in the way? Can we "rise" above our impulses or is it a doomed idea? AND, if we CAN be friends with someone of the opposite sex, how does our partner/spouse feel about it?
It isn’t unusual to overhear conversations like this. One lady told another that she should not stay in her marriage for the sake of her children. She offered the usual: Make yourself happy. Why should you be punished to stay with that guy just because he fathered your children? Over time the kids will be better off. She added more but these generally covered the subject. In those conversations, certain facts get left out, and those facts typically deal with the children's perspectives. Consider the indications of scientific research.
“Somewhere, somehow somebody Must have kicked you around some Tell me why you wanna lay there And revel in your abandon” ~Tom Petty “Refugee” Most of us get into moods where we are unhappy. Feelings of discontent, anxiety and frustration are universal. What happens if those moods don’t go away and we are referred to as “unhappy people?” Many of my patients suffer from this. They aren’t clinically depressed and medications won’t make them happier.
Do you want to be married to Mr. Right? Are you looking for the woman of your dreams? Are you desperately trying to change yourself to attract “The One?” Have you invested hundreds of dollars in a personal trainer in hopes of making yourself marketable in the singles market? Are you working insane hours to increase your income to be attractive to the opposite sex? Are you trying to be perfect for “him” or “her?”
We all go through difficulties now and then. The tricky part is not getting stuck thinking it will not improve. Here are some steps you can take to help yourself not only get past the hard times, but actually learn and improve because of them. Get a journal just for this event. Write whenever you have feelings, memories, anxiety, etc. Writing what you’re feeling gets it out of you so the negative stuff doesn’t stay in there to fester. And the good stuff will warm your heart.
Hurt feelings. Or rather a life without hurt feelings is the holy grail of relationship prospecting. At least that is true with the women who work with me. Each type, Scarlett, Snow White and Rapunzel are shocked to discover they have aligned themselves with that belief. There is a flawed premise hiding under every love sabotage habit.