Swinging (or, "The Lifestyle") is a topic of conversation that comes up with my clients from time to time, but only after a strong relationship of trust is established with me, since most people consider the topic to be "taboo". Since it's rarely discussed, I decided it was time.
The Holiday Season is upon us, and it really makes us start to think seriously about the state of our new relationship. There's never one good answer to the quandry about including your new boyfriend in family and holiday festivities, because we live in a time that is filled with alternative situations. Hopefully, I can cover a few of them here, and help you make a reasonable decision about whether or not you should include a new boyfriend in family Thanksgiving traditions.
It is amazing how many of my clients limit themselves in their dreams because they do not have any idea of HOW they will achieve them. The reality is: When you gain clarity on WHAT you want, the HOW will show up. What do you want? Write out one specific goal you would like to achieve Outline: What will MY goal look like when I accomplish it Imagine you were to take a picture of your life when you have accomplished this goal, what will be happening, who will be there?
Do you have a tremendous amount of mind chatter that goes on beneath the surface? Many people have self talk conversations that are negative abusive statements such as “you should”, “why did you do that” and “what is wrong with you?” These can lead to feelings of stress and overwhelm as we try and quiet the mind. Wouldn’t it be nice to speak with gentleness and kindness to yourself? To be loving and respectful of all you say and do.
Several years ago a woman called me to get some help on her marriage. After a couple of sessions her husband agreed to come for couples coaching. On the calls it seemed like neither partner practiced listening to the other one effectively. Because of this, neither one felt understood, so conflict seemed to be the way they showed each other that their needs were going unmet.
When you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time, there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seem to be common sense, most people don't have a clue how to go about.
"How could you be so stupid? You look horrible, you fat cow! Who would want to go out with you? and, Looks like you've done it again — scared off another one ...”
This question came via email: “I have been married to a man for 20 years (2 children later) that I do not and have never loved like I feel I should. I married in a rush and BECAUSE I felt like that's what God wanted for me at the time. I almost left him at the altar. I have been loving and caring, and submissive. I have prayed for all these years for God to give me the love I need. Well, recently I have fallen ‘madly in love’ with a person that I have a work relationship with. There is no sex involved. I have been faithful.
There are many reasons we get into relationships and the real reason is almost never what we think it is. Instead, we feel we find that we have some things in common with the object of our attraction and we end up in a relationship. Then the proverbial "you-know-what" hits the fan and we feel like we've been duped when the real reasons come to the surface.
The simple pleasure of getting to know another human being can sometimes buckle under the weight of unrealistic expectations or the baggage of previous relationships. How do you know that you are ready to date? Even consider becoming a couple? Ask yourself these questions before you jump right in with your eyes wide shut: