Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly the underlying cause of their relationship problems.
"My husband and I have a great working relationship. He's great to the kids, he's nice to me, he works hard on the house but he isn't very interested in getting to know me for who I really am. Any exploration around personal growth is threatening to him. Sometimes I feel so depressed to think I'll spend the rest of my life with this person when I want so much more, but there isn't anything wrong to point to as to why I would leave."
“Wired for love : how understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style “can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship by Stan Tatkin is one of the most practical couple’s book in recent years. Tatkin explains how the brain is wired for different types of people and how the wiring influences how people relate to one another. Here is an overview of the 10 tools he outlines in the book.
Why is self worth necessary in order to be vulnerable? When we seek validation from others, we give away our power by letting them define our worth. If your worth depends on your partner’s validation, you won’t say what’s really on your mind and how you feel. You’ll censor your words and emotions in order to get your partner’s love, approval and acceptance.
The only way to truly get into a man’s heart is to let him into yours. A man can lust after a hot body, a sassy attitude and a li’l red lipstick, but the best way to attract him and keep his interest is to give him a reason to deeply care for you. Learning how to share your vulnerability with men will help you build a powerful love connection with that special man. What Do I Mean By Your Vulnerability?
In this day and age, most of us have friends of the opposite sex, whether they are co-workers, casual acquaintances or close confidantes. The question is: how close is too close when you're in a romantic relationship with someone else? Here are some signs that your so-called friendship may be entering the not-so-gray area of emotional infidelity.
Apologies are much more than a trite or perfunctory exercise, the kind of half-hearted statements we might have offered as children when we were told to apologize for something we’d done. On the contrary, when coupled with genuine self-reflection, an apology can go a long way in repairing trust and re-establishing connection. Stepping forward when we’ve erred or hurt someone is ennobling and promotes reconciliation.
When is the last time your partner surprised you--stopped by a flower stand the two of you happened to pass and bought you a rose, or complimented you on something he doesn't usually notice? Of course, revitalizing your relationship isn't just about doing new or spontaneous things, it's mostly about opening yourself more fully to each other. In other words, it's not just what you do, but how you do it.
Why would a talented young woman with so much promise choose a relationship with a man who abused her? There have been recent rumors floating around that Rihanna is secretly dating Chris Brown, who was convicted of domestic violence during their relationship. Now, Rihanna has been announced as one of the Time Magazines 100 Most Influential People in the World.
Do you find that you have a pattern of trying to hide your negative feelings from a man who isn't treating you the way you wish he would? When we women love a man and feel that his feelings for us are not as strong as ours are, we feel A LOT of intense, scary feelings, most of which are negative. We are bitter, sad, scared, anxious and even angry. We also feel like we have to hold these feelings inside. We feel we have to stuff them down, keep them under wraps, so that our man doesn’t get turned off by our draining emotions.
We all know how to communicate. If I stick my tongue out at someone they will get the gist of what I am communicating to them, however, their response may not be very positive and full clarity in our communication may never happen. To truly communicate in a way that other people can hear without defensiveness or heightened emotion is a skill. Slowing down and thinking about how you are getting your point across to someone while using these skills will help in all areas of your life, be it work, relationships or just trying to get your coffee order across at Starbucks.
Since meeting and marrying Marc, some assume that because of my deep intuitive gifts that somehow I have an edge when it comes to keeping our lines of communication open and operational. Wrong. Not only did Marc come into my life in my fourth decade on the planet, I also brought into this life time a host of past patterns and attitudes that are present for my growth and development as a soul. Remember, I still have the yammering and stammering of my Goblin.
Sometimes, even when we have great sexual chemistry with our partner, we may feel shy or awkward when it comes to connecting on a more intimate level. This is particularly true when we're feeling intense levels of attraction, desire or attachment. We may fear lack of reciprocity from our partner, or even worse, withdrawal and rejection. Or, we may simply lack trust in our ability to communicate in a way that will be received with genuine care and understanding. Well there's good news here, for there are a number of ways to gently and slowly open our hearts and encourage our partner to do the same.
People in relationships get into patterns. Some work well for them and some don't. If you find yourself getting into the same bad places in your relationship, you might want to examine what you are doing to sabotage growth, resolution and intimacy in your relationships. It is easy to blame everyone else but until you look at yourself and take responsibility for fixing your part nothing will change. Here are the five ways people tend to have learned to deal with problems in relationships that don't work: