“Why,” you may ask, “should I want to maintain a good relationship with my ex? We are splitting up. We don’t like each other. In fact, I am so angry that I can’t even imagine a “good” relationship. What does that even look like??” Here’s why: if you have a child together you will be seeing each other forever and though it may be hard to imagine today, you may also have grandchildren in common some day.
So you have been married for many years and you now find yourself in your late 40s and 50s in the unexpected situation of getting a divorce. When you got married you probably thought that this would be forever, and now you probably find yourself, hurt, angry and probably a bit stunned. I have a couple of clients in at this age who find themselves somewhat lost, somewhat bewildered - with their dreams of a perceived “stable” future as a pipe dream.
It’s true...even celebrities that are idolized are doing it. Getting divorced that is. Celebrity divorces are a great news story. Sad that a couple breaking up and often the juicy news surrounding their fights over the children make for news now. With the use of social media that story can spread in an instant, whether true or not.
TO “D” OR NOT TO “D” It takes balls to make the decision to divorce. Big ones. Balls of steel. And it’s an especially brave thing to do when you were born with lady parts that don’t include the aforementioned equipment because, believe me, at a time like this, you could really use them. If you’re a people pleaser like me, ending your marriage will probably go against the grain of everything you were raised to believe in, like pleasing others, for instance.
Much has been studied and written about Empty Nest Syndrome – the emotional impacts on parents/caregivers after children come of age and leave home. But little has been written, researched, or remedied regarding the emotional impacts and resulting psychological trauma on the non-custodial parent as a result of divorce.
By Marina Sbrochi, for GalTime.com Divorce sucks, no two ways about it. I’ve been there. I actually had a “nice” divorce and it still was awful. That being said, I couldn’t be happier right now. If you find yourself divorced later in life, does it suck more? Actually, no...it doesn’t have to. I won’t lie to you and tell you it will be easy. It won’t. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You can.
DIVORCE WITH KIDS 18 to 25 Micki McWade Every parent going through divorce hopes to avoid damaging his or her children in the process. The children’s well being is the first goal and strong intention every parent articulates when I meet with them as their collaborative divorce coach. I tell parents that research results show that minimizing hurt is possible if parents have the right information and act accordingly.
Non-Mutual Divorce: I Do... I Don't Micki McWade, LMSW The chances of a husband and wife sitting at the breakfast table and one says "I want a divorce" and the other says "Okay, let's do it," are slim to none. Usually, one person will initiate and the other will resist. The degree of resistance ranges from letting go reluctantly to fighting it all the way.
THAT OLD GANG OF MINE You can divide the possessions, acquired over a lifetime together, and decide who’ll keep the house. But in the end, who gets custody of your friends when you get divorced? Unlike the coffee table and wedding china, your friends have this thing called free will and it’s no picnic deciding who’ll get to keep them. Unfortunately, you can’t saw them in half or bargain for them; it just doesn’t work like that.
"I think I have to get a divorce" Courtney confided shakily to her dad. Six months before, with her parents support, this intelligent and successful 25-year-old young woman had married the man of her dreams. Her dad just wants Courtney to be happy but has no idea whether to encourage her to stay and try to work things out or to help her get out of her marriage as quickly and painlessly as possible.
"We're set," my ex shouted. Still lingering in memories, I headed toward the passenger door as if I was going on the trip. But, there was a woman in my seat.