DIVORCE ADVICE

YourTango Expert Cindy Holbrook explains the signs for spotting both.

We all know that getting in the mood for sex is highly psychological. We realize you need to be turned on by your man before getting under the covers. We know the importance of feeling sexy and comfortable being naked with him. But here’s something that rarely gets mentioned: Is your vagina happy, healthy and ready for amazing sex?

The battle between Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian is expected to heat up next month when the two face off in a court of law in a battle to officially end their ill-fated union.

If you want a divorce-proof marriage that will stand the test of time and last forever, you need to determine if your values, beliefs and ideals are in alignment as a couple.

Sure, we could chalk up the impending divorce of Kordell and Porsha Stewart as another casualty of the reality show curse, but in truth, their short-lived marriage provides something powerful we can all learn from. Whether you appear on a reality show or not, when it comes to creating a successful marriage, you must design and define your relationship — something Kordell and Porsha appear to have missed.

The idea of divorce doesn’t just arrive. It creeps in like a whispering snake. Your mind resists the thought: it's too earthshaking. Then one day you surprise yourself. Perhaps you blurt out the word divorce in a fight. Maybe you tell a friend and suddenly hear what you are saying. Maybe you wake up from a daydream and see that you have been imagining a future without your spouse.

If you're a woman who has tried to get your ex back, you've most likely taken the "desperate times call for desperate measures" approach, causing you to do all kinds of unfortunate things, including the walk of shame and the drunk dial. These unflattering behaviors render you his doormat, and ultimately push him away.

You may feel as if you are on an emotional roller-coaster, during and after your divorce. You are grieving over the death of your marriage as well as your hopes and dreams for the future. It is a very traumatic time, yet it is vital that you make life-changing decisions as you go through the process in order to secure your future.

Whether you called it quits or he did, you never expected to be in this place. The joint future you envisioned is kaput.

Many of us dream of living happily ever after just like what happens in the fairy tales. We like to believe that after kissing many frogs and finding “the one”, everything would be smooth sailing. Completing this fantasy would be a perfect wedding followed by a romantic honeymoon to an exotic destination. It wouldn’t hurt to have a house with a white picket fence, 2.2 children and perhaps a pet dog. Years later, this illusion of happiness would shatter with the D-word.

Research shows that in reality, women are better than men in financial terms especially when it comes to investing. It's because we don't have a problem following the rules. And we don't mind asking questions if we don't know.

"You don’t have to be in love with your spouse to co-parent. You have to be in love with your “children” to co-parent!"   I hate her for what she has done to us! I hate him for what he has done to us! STOP! WAIT! LISTEN! Can I interrupt you for a moment and remind the both of you that your DIVORCE is not only about you but also about your “children” and how they are going to survive it. It is perfectly normal to be angry, hurt and outraged at your spouse for the divorce or separation.

Ask anyone who's been through divorce what it's like and they'll likely recount a loss of sleep, irritability, forgetfulness, tears, inability to function and sadness — sometimes all at once, sometimes sequentially, and that's on top of the never-ending list of chores and tasks triggered by the legal process, maybe finding somewhere new to live and maybe finding a new job. You can probably add a few of your own. So how do you get through it?

When you begin settling into your new life as a divorced woman, you will start mingling with other singles and eventually begin dating. Many women struggle with what and how much to tell their dates.

Many women are so wrapped up in the routine of their busy hectic lives that they fail to see increasing signs that their husbands have gradually become more distant. This was the case of a recent client, Jen. Can you relate to her story?

With over 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, it's important to take a look at the marriage mistakes that can lead to divorce. While researching this subject for my book, "Secrets of Happy Couples," I asked happy couples what their "non-negotiables" in marriage are. One hundred couples responded about the dealbreakers in their marriages. Here is what I learned.