DATING DISASTER

I was set up with a girl named Mandy. It was was a standard blind date. But she had decided to bring a friend along... her Chihuahua Jewels. Unfortunately, Jewels had a sensitive stomach.

Before we get into this story, I want to make clear that I think Henry is one of the most solid names a parent can give their son. It is perhaps my favorite name for a man, and I hope to meet more people named Henry. Just not more people like this Henry.

I have to be honest from the beginning and tell you that online dating has worked wonderfully for me. Eventually, I met my husband on one of these websites, but my way to heaven was paved with little demons. Actually, anyone who has ever tried online dating knows what a jungle you find out there.

It turns out that this really awesome, good-looking chick had a single flaw: the guy who liked her was not a big fan of dogs. Unfortunately, he got over his distaste for dogs around the time she decided she wasn't into him. That's just how it goes.

It was our first date and she wanted to up the ante. We went to a hotel with kinky "special equipment" in the basement. It turns out that I wasn't as advanced as she would have like. Also, my muffler got broken.

The first date was good, if uneventful. But things started getting weird on the second date. Talk about abortion, the opposite of generosity, a phone call taken and, oh, he was married.

I have a type: the scruffy, sensitive man's man. A yoga epiphany about meeting this guy came through when I met Josh. After our first date, things were great. But two minutes into date number two, I realized I had a problem. Rather, Josh had a problem: he smelled really bad.

To most young men, the worst dating disaster is when you can't get any dates at all. However, mine had to be at least as traumatic. I had dates with two different young women for one New Year's Eve celebration.

I love baseball and when this handsome, successful guy asked me to a game I was thrilled. But a few beers and bad calls later, I was all over the umpire like white on rice. He did not take kindly to my abuse of the officials.

He was a cool bartender. We met and there were sparks. But he was such a cool guy that his ex-girlfriend didn't want to let him go. And seemed to have refused to.

I was with my mum in the mall, when my mum wanted to go to the toilet, so I walked her there and waited outside. This guy came up to me and asked me if he could use my cell phone to call him own phone to check if it was working. Of course, I saw past that excuse and didn't hesitate as he was incredibly good-looking.

The first date was going well. It could have involved more kissing. Then it got weird. But the red flags were ignored and 12 months later that date finally ended.

It was a great date. A drive in a classic car, a wonderful dinner, drinks, kissing, a view of the Golden Gate Bridge and then an apparently unforgivable faux pas.

I usually don't go out with a guy I meet online before I see what he looks like. I usually ask to do camera to camera, but this time, I looked like a mess, so I exchanged numbers with one guy and we talked for 10 minutes through the phone. He seemed nice, so we arranged to meet the next day for coffee. We decided to meet in Jabal Amman in front of this nice, old café.

My type, blue-collar younger guys, was not paying any dividends. So, while at Starbucks I decided to go against my better instincts and chat with a more uptown kind of guy. He joked that he was in the witness protection program. Though I wasn't sure it was right for me, we set up a date. But that was before Google informed me that he might have been joking about witness protection...

On a whim a few years ago, my friend Dave and I posted a YouTube video in which we invited women to double date us. In the months to follow, we would embark on over 200 double dates together, many of which would provide us with horror stories for our live comedy show. However, none were a bigger disappointment than one I experienced on my own.