If there’s one issue that comes up again and again when I’m working with single clients, it’s the “unavailable man” dilemma. I’d say it’s the biggest issue women deal with when they’re out there dating.
DATING ADVICE FOR WOMEN
Are you filled with dread thinking of being alone on the biggest "date night" of the year? The pressure of being single on New Year's Eve is even more daunting than being dateless on Valentine's Day. The reality of having no one to kiss at midnight can make you feel hopeless and discouraged, afraid that next year will be just like the last; that you will never find love.
This is the story of Mike, the fire fighter. And me. And our relationship. Now we all know there’s just something about a firefighter, right? The big strong hero, who lives to save people, and is coming to save us too. They’re special. And if they like us, then we’re really special. We’ve really been chosen. Or so we think. Or so I thought. After all, it was the beach. Where better for fate to bring him and me together. Sand, surf, sun and all of the endless romantic possibilities they represent.
Are you tired of riding the rollercoaster of love? Is your love life a constant dance of two steps forward two steps back? Well, when it comes to men, dating and relationships, you are not alone. In fact, there are over 50 million single women looking for love and like you many of them are frequent riders on this crazy ride. Unfortunately most of these women are tired of the constant up and downs and would love to get off the rollercoaster once and for all.
When it comes to professional athletes there is a public perception of that many of these guys are spoiled brats who make a tremendous amount of money because they have a God-given ability to play a sport. Because many of these athletes are paid handsomely and revered by the masses it is not uncommon for them to develop huge egos and a sense of entitlement.
Looks. It's one of the most interesting and controversial topics related to relationships. You have those individuals who say looks are very important and you have those who say looks aren't important because "it's what is on the inside that matters." So, who is right? If I have to pick, I'm going to side with those who say that looks are important. But before you start calling me a chauvinistic pig who only cares about how hot a woman is, hear me out.
In relationships and dating, (don’t act like it’s just me) women are constantly asking themselves this question, “When will I ever be enough for someone to love?” This question is deeply rooted in almost everything that we see and do. Clothing designers are making clothes smaller. Magazine covers are filled with these young, “skinny minnies” that don’t resemble ninety-five percent of the female population. These images shape our views and beliefs about our own “enoughness” (new word I called it first). The media has created the market for these beliefs but we as a feminine culture have bought into this hook, line and sinker. We have allowed our self-worth to be devalued by media and its flawed and vaunted portrayal of the likes of Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, etc. These “marginally talented” these ladies (and I use the phrase “marginally talented” loosely) bring nothing to the table for us to sink our “self-worth” teeth into but an outward attractiveness that few women possess even with cosmetic surgery.
If you were alive in the 80’s and you were out of diapers you probably remember an infomercial with Susan Powter. Back then Susan was the queen of the infomercial. There wouldn’t be a day that went by where you wouldn’t see her face screaming back at you while yelling “Stop the Insanity”. Susan was all over the TV hawking her weight loss and fitness products.
As children, most girls are introduced to Disney movies before the ability to speak in complete sentences. While Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid are inspirational on many levels, the fairytale element is the same: Guy likes girl, guy woos girl, guy and girl live happily ever after.
There are over 100 million single adults over the age of 25 in our country, and for most of them, the thought of being single and dating is analogous to having a red hot poker jammed into their eye. Based on my research, most single women dislike dating and being single. When it comes to finding that special guy to share their life with, many of these women say that there is hope in their heart, but they honestly admit that they are not too optimistic that true love is in their future.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy only to discover months or years down the road that you were not a good fit for each other? Were there questions you had or things you saw that you never addressed? Well, I have found that if you are afraid to ask a question it's because you are afraid of the answer you will receive.
I think Kat Von. D. is insane. Now before you call the local mental hospital and reserve a bed and a straightjacket for her let me explain myself. Albert Einstein, one of the most intelligent men to ever walk the planet said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Have you ever had sex with a guy thinking that it was going to bring your relationship to the next level only to realize that as soon as he got “some” he quickly disappeared? Well, unfortunately you’re not alone. One of the biggest problems for single women is knowing when to sleep with a man. It is a question I am often asked and to be honest there is no magic answer that works for everyone.
I'm a reality show Junkie! I admit it! It doesn't make a difference if it's Gene Simmons' Family Jewels, Pawn Stars, The Real World, Jersey Shore, Celebrity Rehab or The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I find people so interesting. I love watching how people act in their lives. Now I realize that reality TV isn't very real and there is a lot of editing that takes place. But for the most part the way a person acts on TV is the way they are acting in their real lives.
As a matchmaker and dating coach in Washington, DC, a town full of sharp, successful, powerful women, I often hear the line, “Men are intimated by me”. When I hear this, I listen patiently and empathetically and then, when the time is right, I explain that it’s just not true. I speak with men every single day, and I have the inside scoop - the 411 on how men really feel.
We are all looking for that special someone to share our lives with… that certain someone who “fits” as if he or she was meant to be there. This exquisite person who is our one true love; the person designed as our match; our soul mate. For many people, this idea that they have one “ideal mate” is a concept they struggle with. When potential loves enter their lives, they are left wondering if there’s someone “better” out there.
If I hear another single woman tell me that men are only interested in getting laid I’m really gonna lose it. Now before I go any further I’m going to clarify and state that I understand there are some boys out there…ok lots of em…who are only interested in getting their wick dipped and could care less with whom and how it happens.