I'm sure you know that in order to attract the right man you need to feel great about yourself. That's why Step One of my 6-Step Find Hope and then Find Him System is Who Am I: Falling in Love With Myself. You have to know why you rock and truly believe that you'll make some lucky man a superb partner.
DATE LIKE A GROWNUP
As all you Americans know, we're heading into one of our famous three-day weekends (non-Americans, play along please): Memorial Day. This is the official start of the summer season: a time to remember all those who served in our military, a time to break out the BBQ and the bathing suit (ugh), and a time to unpack the white shoes and pants. Spring is ending soon and summer begins. I have a challenge for all you to help kick off a new season: a challenge with a GREAT PRIZE attached to it (seriously, a GREAT prize)!
I received an email yesterday that I want to share. I hear some form of this a lot: “I’m [not perfect because of fill-in-the-blank] and I’m worried no man will ever want me!” I get it but I can’t tell you how much this breaks my heart. I lived in the “no man wants a fat girl” reality for a long freaking time.
The first 10 minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is even going to happen. And let's face it: second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) "Date Waste." Date waste is when a date is a drag but has little to do with whether you're a potential match. It's a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren't the dates with jerks that you can't wait to end. They're the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks, or just go nowhere.
I’m often asked what I mean by Dating Like a Grownup. It’s obviously a great question that I probably should answer every so often. (I am, after all, the CEO of Date Like a Grownup!) I’m going to give you my definition, and then I’m going to tell you about a great book I’ve read that does a terrific job of discussing dating and love for grownups.
What is your love language? How do you feel loved? How do you know that your partner or friend values you and truly “gets you?” Do you sometimes feel you are speaking completely different languages and that there is a disconnect in what you say and do and what the other person hears and acts on? Do you know how your partner or friend feels loved? What is the language of love and do we each have our own?
If you're a single woman working toward meeting a grown-up, confident and relationship-minded man, a must-have skill is the art of conversation. If your perception is that all a guy does is look you up and down and decide if he wants to ask you out, you're wrong. The "good guys" want to connect somehow if they're going to spend an evening with you. They want to know you'll be fun and open and that the two of you can carry on a conversation. (Just what you want to know, right?)
The idea of a first blind can be terrifying. You don't know what to expect; you worry about whether or not the person will like you ... not to mention whether or not you'll like him! How should you act? What should you wear? Where should you go? How can you make sure you're safe? I recommend setting your boundaries and expectations about dating before you even make the first contact. And be yourself. Be yourself even more on the first few dates than you are in your daily life.
When you look at the millions of profiles on Match.com or eHarmony or OKCupid.com or any of the websites out there attempting to match you up with the person of your dreams, what do you see? Is there anything in the profile that stands out, that helps you feel as if you can really "see" that person?
I believe that the original idea for dating was that people would go out and do activities together so they could get to know each others "real selves". This dating process allowed us to evaluate how we felt in relationship to different people, more about their true character and if we were getting enough from the relationship to decide to take it to the next level=a relationship.
Want to attract a confident, grounded man who will enhance your already great life? The best way to do it is to act like a lady. Yes, that age-old scenario is still true: masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Men want to know that they're contributing to our lives. When a man cares about you, making you happy is his mission. If you don't allow him this gift, chances are he will not stay. Or, if he does, he will give you what you ask for: nothing.
The first ten minutes of a date often determine whether a second date is ever going to happen, and let's face it: second dates are not the norm for many. That was definitely my story until I learned about (what I now call) "Date Waste." Date waste is when a date is a drag but has little to do with whether you are a potential match. It's a drag simply because neither of you set the date up to succeed. These aren't the dates with jerks that you can't wait to end. They are the ones that are just a little boring, lack sparks or just go nowhere.
Masturbation. There…I said it. The "Big M." I don't generally talk about this, so it may shock you. But the time has come to chat about the role sex – or lack thereof – plays in the life of a woman in her later years who is single and looking for love.
Online dating is a great way for women 40+ to find & meet men, but for some it's not the way to go. Last week I hosted a workshop called Get Online, Get Noticed, Get Dates, Exclusively for Women over 40. I had a fantastic time with these smart and lovely women who really want to meet their mate. It was a total blast, and they all left excited and feeling like they had the confidence and tools to get online and go for it.
Are you perfect? Do you know anyone who is? Look at the people you know who are in midlife or older: do you know any people who doesn’t have some rough times behind them or are not currently facing life challenges? It’s doubtful—because you are in real life and not the movies! All grownups have some less-than-flattering “stuff.” I received an email recently from Lisa, a woman who, after describing her life situation, asked: “Is there any hope for me?” Ugh. I can’t tell you how sad this makes me feel.
We can learn a lot from Oprah, including how to be our best, most authentic selves. I hate being like everyone else, but I have to make an exception for Oprah. Everyone is talking about her, and rightly so. May 25 is her final show. Oprah will no longer be visiting us every weekday, teaching us, nourishing our spirits and making us laugh.
Longing for a man but don't want to lose your independence? I know the feeling, girlfriend. Are you a single woman over 40 who is smart, independent and thinking there are no good men out there? I hope you don’t mind my saying this: you are w-r-o-n-g. As a dating and relationship coach – and a woman who was a first‑time bride at 47 – I’m quite aware of what we tell ourselves: Men can’t handle smart, powerful women…I’m not going to change just to snag a man…I’m going to wait for the man who accepts me just the way I am. He’ll come along. Sound familiar at all?