If God commanded it, then we would find a way to obey it. The important thing is that we would communicate, and we would work it out together as a couple, with decisions mutually agreed upon. That’s necessary for any kind of marriage. Polygamy as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints used to practice it was never about sexual gratification. It was about family; survival, parents for children, and raising children to learn what we believe are correct and ethical principles. If it were reinstated, it would be about family again.
Not too long ago, my husband and I had not one earthly thing to talk about. When we’d met, we shared a few common interests. Once we became parents, however, we had less time to enjoy those interests. In our relationship, I’m the talker. He’s the listener. After so many sleepless nights in a row, I stopped talking. Our communication ceased. Flash forward three years, to the middle of our marriage project. We still had very little to say to one another. Worse, he talked to people all day long and came home in need of silence. As a freelance writer, I went days without hearing the sound of another person’s voice. I ended my workday in need of conversation. Over time, I learned to satisfy my need for chatter with various social engagements and gave my husband his space when he arrived home from work. But when I needed him to talk, I got him to talk, and here are the topics and questions I used. Perhaps they will work for you as well.
Each week, Traditional Love rounds up the very best (or at least marginally interesting) news on love and marriage from around the web. This week we're talking about, sticking together, STD's, patriotic puckers and the infidelity rate of careers. One of the more interesting articles comes from The Seattle Times, where they ask if an STD should ruin a marriage? What would you do if you your spouse told you s/he had an STD?
According to SmartMarriages, about 70 percent of couples get married in a church. Yet, how did marriage and religion become so closely intertwined? Despite what you may think, marriage didn't start off as a $30,000 religious ceremony. If the Bible is to be believed, the first marriage took place without a $10,000 dollar Vera Wang dress. The bride and the groom were in the nude and consummated their union by hanging out with a snake (not a double entendre). After being kicked out from the Garden of Eden, Adam's descendants had complicated marital relationships often involving more than one wife and several concubines (I'm looking at you King Solomon).
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the most interesting and helpful love and marriage links from around the web. We do this, because we cannot physically force your spouse to empty the dishwasher. But we can link to articles that tell you how to make them do chores. This week, we're talking about getting fit in your marriage and a free eBook of Marriage Gems, just for you.
Throughout our marriage, the tradition of the Halloween spreadsheet has helped us make the holiday our own. Thanksgiving and Christmas are constant negotiations in family demands and time management, but Halloween is all ours to enjoy. Together we carve pumpkins, play games and fuss over the spreadsheet. Often we are invited to parties, but we turn them down. Halloween is our night. And we do allow devils and witches, and all too often my pumpkins are sinister, but I understand now why my parents held so tightly to their traditions of Halloween. And no matter how crazy my future kids think the Halloween spreadsheet is, I going to make them do it.
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the best links and thought provoking articles on love and marriage. This week, we are talking about the new marriage and divorce rates and what exactly do they say (or not say) about the current state of love in America? Also, October marks the beginning of YourTango's 31 Day Sex Challenge, which challenges you to make your love life better this month. Find out what you can do to your sex life in 31 days.
We edged to the back of the room and took in the scene. It must have taken teams to concoct the topiary-like hairdos and apply the rich colors to the women’s faces. From the array of outfits it appeared we were in a cafeteria for extras from different movie sets. A distinctly Western accent interrupted my thoughts. "Have one," a young woman said, motioning to a pile of sticky, honey-glazed deserts on the table next to where we stood. "Dinner won’t get started for hours." She was costumed and made up like a belly dancer, her long gleaming hair flowing straight down her back. In the U.S. this would have been a wildly slutty costume at a Halloween party, but among these women she looked tame.
My family wasn't the only one caught up in this idea of courtship. In the wake of the publication of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, a whole generation of Christian conservatives were booting modern dating out the door. There were rallies and conferences where we jammed out to Christian music and cheered when a speaker said things like, "Dating is of the devil!" or "No kissing before marriage!" We sighed when we heard stories about a couple sharing their first kiss on their wedding day. We weren't just pledging our virginity, we were pledging to stay away from dating, hand-holding, kissing and the opposite sex. We were pledging to prepare ourselves to be good wives by staying submissive to our parents until the day they handed us over to our husbands.
Across the country couples face the tough decision: to marry or not to marry. But in California that decision is being left up to a judge. A federal judge can't order that people change their minds, however. No court can. Essentially, who is responsible for making important decisions about marriage?
Lyz On Love is a weekly round-up of internet news about love and relationships and all those other indoor sports. This week on Lyz On Love, I am talking about love and the classroom. In the video, I confess to dating a classmate, who turned out to just be using me to make his ex girlfriend jealous. Sadly, she never became jealous. Was it my sweet 90s suspenders or stylish newsboy caps? We will never know. But what was left out of the video, was that I ended up using him to drive around in his convertible and egg people's houses. (I sure hope there is a statute of limitations on those confessions). So, in the end, that relationship worked out for me. I also dated another classmate, this time in college. He just played the guitar and World of Warcraft. A. Lot. But he did make me some sweet mix CDs. I think it lasted a month. There is only so much you can do in a relationship that is based on video games and Ben Harper covers.
I recognize that parenthood is a journey filled with responsibility and challenges far greater than political quibbling. I also realize, that in the end, the political choices of our child are not up to us, but up to that squirming little fetus, who is currently making me puke and want to eat jars and jars of caramel ice cream topping. And yet, I am worried about what we will teach our child about conflict and resolution though our political wranglings. Will our child grow up to be polarized? Afraid of confrontation? Apathetic? Or will our child learn to build consensus and disagree with respect and love?
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the best love and relationships news with a traditional slant. This week, there was a lot of sexy activity happening among the holies. Check it out, plus 7 other links (and a video) we love this week.
Qatar is a Muslim country and most of the women I met had been brought up in sex-segregated households and educated in sex-segregated schools. Prior to joining our co-educational campus, the only members of the opposite sex they'd encountered were relatives. I found their various attitudes about marriage quite jarring.
It seems the whole issue of sexual education causes angst for many parents. Some parents actually appreciate that the schools cover it, sparing them from embarking into such awkward discussion with their pre-teen. And then there are parents, particularly Christians, who are against what is taught in the schools about sex, yet simultaneously neglect initiation of discussions with their children at home. What a conundrum. We don't want the "system" telling them about sex and we don't want to do it either, leaving them few alternatives but to navigate the waters on their own. Is it any wonder so many teens are having sex?