All too often in life, people make assumptions about love and relationships that do not stand up under scrutiny—that are not supported by the available evidence. So, what are the facts? One of the great misconceptions of all time about love and relationships is this—just do the big things and everything will turn out well. And what do the big things include?
Work, gym, grocery store, cook dinner, family time, clean the house, go to bed... no wonder initial feelings of love and attraction decrease in committed relationships! Keeping the fire lit in your love life can be difficult, but these six steps can help!
Does your man become distant as soon as you open up and connect with him? Here's some couples advice on how to maintain a healthy and open relationship with your significant other.
If you are a couple in distress and not sure if you will ever figure out how to connect again, fear not. There is a way out of despair and back to each other. That golden roadmap to connecting with your partner again is called – in more official lingo – Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). I know, “therapy” doesn’t sound as interesting, but before I lose you, please read on…because EFT works, and if you feel desperate to connect with your partner once again, it may be for you.
This story comes from a recent excerpt from The Writer's Almanac published by Garrison Keillor. It's an inspiring story because it reveals how a gifted man used his feelings of shame to create something beautiful. We often use the story as a metaphor to encourage the men we work with to show their deeper feelings of shame and vulnerability to their lovers, something that's usually much harder for men to do than women.
designrider: Really effective therapy that not only helped us deal with particular issues but also gave us tools to use ourselves. This is not "crutch" counseling. The object here is to figure out how to live without therapy. Always relaxed and comfortable yet rigorous and perceptive. I have referred friends and family with nothing but positive outcomes. Highly recommended...A+
The couples’ dialogue is the secret to a lasting relationship with your lover. In the same way that Yoga helps you find a deeper connection to your inner self, the couples’ dialogue helps you find a deeper connection to your lover. The key to the dialogue is to listen and really take in your lover’s point of view, without having to agree with it. Choose Roles
These are the most frequent mistakes that couples make, often so quickly that they don't fully recognize them as mistakes, so please take time to see which apply to you and your lover: 1. Arbitrary inferences: Conclusions made without supporting evidence. Example: "He's late from work. He must be visiting one of his ex-girlfriends.
A Solution Focused Therapist will:Look for openings to help couples discover solution building rather than problem definition language. Encourage couples to stretch more for each other so they can experience easier, more flexible give and take in their day to day relations. Help couples create new meanings and new ways of understanding old problems. Encourage lovers to own their own agendas without hiding from each other or going underground.
Research by social psychologist J. M. Gottman, reported in What Predicts Divorce, has shown that it's not angry exchanges that predict divorce but four kinds of negativity that corrode the love you have for each other. These four variables increase the odds of getting a divorce to 85%: 1. Criticism: Attacking your lover's character. 2. Defensiveness: Denying responsibility when you screw up. 3. Contempt: Insulting, abusive comments to your lover. 4. Stonewalling: Emotionally withdrawing and not listening to your lover.
Felling vulnerable these days? Maybe you've lost money in your IRA because of a bearish stock market. Or you've been asked to put in more hours at work for the same pay. You're worried about rising school expenses for the kids. Both you and your wife are working harder than ever but you feel like you're barely holding your heads above water.
Research by social psychologist J. M. Gottman, reported in What predicts divorce, has shown that it's not angry exchanges that predict divorce but four kinds of negativity that corrode the love you have for each other. These four variables increase the odds of getting a divorce to 85%: 1. Criticism: Attacking your lover's character. 2. Defensiveness: Denying responsibility when you screw up. 3. Contempt: Insulting, abusive comments to your lover. 4. Stonewalling: Emotionally withdrawing and not listening to your lover.
Six key things that all serious, long-term lovers should keep in mind if they want to grow together and deepen their sense of emotional safety and intimacy: It’s never about agreeing on everything It’s easy to say, “This upsets me.” But it’s not so easy to talk about the deeper meanings that will enable you to become more understanding and more intimate with each other.
I recently discovered the work on Alison Armstrong – who for 15 years has been honing her message on the important differences in men and women that manifest in the heterosexual marriage in typical and often frustrating ways. Her wisdom is found in the freedom that comes when we understand each other instead of blame and accuse each other. Last week I was sharing some of these ideas with a small group of grad therapy students. One of the men who is newly married, lit up and said, “Oh my gosh, that happene