Have you ever asked yourself what is happening when your spouse is online and you can't seem to get their attention no matter what you say or do? Maybe they are spending large amounts of time looking at the news, playing video games, facebooking, responding to twitter friend posts, viewing pornography or chatting in adult chat rooms. Has your spouse reconnected with an old high school girlfriend? Do you wonder if you are too trusting or too jealous? Have you ever wondered what is appropriate and what crosses the line to inappropriate behavior in your relationship?
Anything worthwhile in life needs regular, positive attention. This includes relationships. If you want your most important relationships to grow and thrive, you need to care for them.
In "Love Games, Part 1," I mentioned the various things a woman should consider in place of pouting to tear her man away from his video game. For instance, get dolled up and venture out. I should mention that sometimes a man really needs his space. Allowing him to have his man-time will only make him miss you afterwards...in most cases. But if your man always needs alone time, or you’re suffering from ‘I need you to more spend time with me or else,’ then consider the following.
Wanderlust looks like your typical fish-out-of-water comedy. George (Paul Rudd) and Linda (Jennifer Aniston) are a young married couple in Manhattan who've just bought their first apartment, a miniscule studio they can barely afford. Then George loses his job in finance as the recession hits. Linda hardly earns an income as a creative dabbler, so the couple decides to move in with George's brother in Atlanta.
I saw a short article today from Tiny Buddha called A Simple Prescription for Natural Healing. In it, Harriet Cabelly discussed her method of coping with her daughter's critical medical condition. It required a three-month drug-induced coma to overcome, so she was offered an anti-anxiety pill by the doctor early in the process. The author refused, preferring to pursue her own natural methods. In discussing her own prescription, Cabella reflected on the place of challenge in our lives. She wrote,
People in relationships get into patterns. Some work well for them and some don't. If you find yourself getting into the same bad places in your relationship, you might want to examine what you are doing to sabotage growth, resolution and intimacy in your relationships. It is easy to blame everyone else but until you look at yourself and take responsibility for fixing your part nothing will change. Here are the five ways people tend to have learned to deal with problems in relationships that don't work:
Every woman is working with the same pool of men. Say there are four billion men on Planet Earth. This is the pool of men that you have to work with. In this pool, there are going to be gentlemen, pimps, players, hustlers, and psychos. But, it’s the same pool of men. It’s not like the crazy men are coming from outside this pool. The question is, why do some women always attract the crazy men? The answer is you. You can either repel or invite these men into your life. The only reason you attract crazy men is because you talk to them.
The holidays are special because of the opportunities we get to connect or reconnect with friends and family. But we all know that they can also cause a lot of stress because of the complexity that is added to our everyday lives: travel, in-laws, financial pressures, cooking, and shopping all start to pile up in our already busy schedules.
Each person shows love and likes to receive love differently. Some like words of affirmation while others like to be kissed, cuddled and spend quality time together. Some like to receive gifts or have some help around the house. Other people like to communicate and have long talks. Everyone is different. The important thing for you to figure out is what your partner needs from you to show them that you love them.
A relationship without basic trust has no security. Without trust there's no way to predict another person's behaviors, which can make us consumed with anxiety. Since we can't stand anxiety, we resort to blame. And blame kills relationships.
Now normally, I'm in the position of "answer man," but I love to have conversations, open communication between men and women. Hopefully ladies gain some new insight on guys, and guys can learn a new thing or two about ladies. So, with permission from my pals at Galtime, I'd like to turn the tables. As a guy, I've got some deep questions for the women, so here we go!
I look at my friends (Facebook and otherwise), peers, colleagues and I'm hard pressed to find people in my life that I can share my 10th wedding anniversary with that know what it means to reach this milestone. If I look at the same group, where are my mentors, the people who have been beyond 10 years, the ones I can learn from along the way? I realize my wife and I have primarily been alone in this.
Following several years of barely-restrained, insouciant bachelorhood, I'm finally preparing my first move-in with a girlfriend. I've lived alone for years, roommate- and drama-free just as I like it. I haven't had a roommate since my sophomore year of college over 10 years ago, and the only beef either of us ever had with one another was when he woke up from a nap to find I killed his bag of Better Made Red Hot potato chips.
I tried to get to the root of my unhappiness. I married a man who loved and respected me (and vice versa). I didn't give up my career. I was doing everything "right." So why didn't it feel right? Maybe it was because I was having a tough time losing the pregnancy weight. Maybe it was because postpartum depression was no stranger to me, but sleep certainly was. But that was all normal, wasn't it? Happily ever after was just around the corner, right?