I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem...
Dear Dr. Doris,
I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I hope there is another way to handle the problem other than personally confronting my date.
I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at a party. Things were great until I asked her out to dinner.
That’s when I experienced the shock of my life. She has absolutely terrible
table manners. She talks with food in her mouth and she’s so animated with her fork and knife that I had visions of having a meal with Edward Scissorhands.
One guy argues that we should stop commemorating every little relationship milestone.
Guys often forget relationship anniversaries, according to every bad comedian's jokes since about 1965, and various magazines and TV shows since then. It can seem inconsiderate on the surface, and men get a lot of heat for not taking relationship anniversaries seriously. We've got a pretty good excuse to cover for our mistakes: we don't care, because anniversaries are stupid.
Fighting sucks, but it happens in almost every relationship, so for healthy coupledom you have to know how to deal with arguments and anger. According to a study at U Mich, the best solution for processing negative feelings is to step back from the emotions and try to evaluate what happened from a distance. It sounds like common sense—you've probably heard, or said, "I need a second to calm down," or "let's think about this rationally"—but there are subtle differences in the way you think about the experience and your emotions that can help or hinder your ability to effectively deal with adversity.
One guy's perspective on how to make him a better man
The point is, when you're faced with a situation where you have to confront your man with his faults, be gentle and be specific. The male ego is a very fragile thing and the comprehending part of the male brain is very small. (Not that size matters, right? And, even if it does, it's not really a "fault", is it?) Don't be afraid to spell out exactly what you think your fella's fault is. Write it on the bottom of the toilet seat if you have to. He's sure to see it there, since there's 99% chance he never puts it down. At the same time, be compassionate when you're telling him. Most men want to please their mate, so if you confront him in an informal and easy-going manner (try being nude when you do it), he'll be much more willing to accept your position and change his faulty ways.
Pauline realizes that sometimes small differences are better left alone.
I’ve been on a bit of a blog-writing-hiatus. Switching jobs, training my replacement, and helping my dad promote the book he just wrote (see www.beyondfossilfools.com to hear the podcast we made, and search Beyond Fossil Fools at YouTube to see the video) has kept my brain too occupied and full to write. Then, on the 5th we left for a road-trip to Canada’s mountains-majesty to attend a destination wedding. We just got home a few days ago. Much more on this later.
Today, I want to write about something I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks. A relationship-revelation sort of deal.
