...we can't make other people change - but we can work on improving our skill for influence
What makes your sister in law think she has the right to put you down? Why does she have to pick on you, when you've never done a thing to her? Your sister in law, who never thought you were good enough to marry her brother, snubs you at every opportunity, saying things like "You have gained a pound or 2, haven't you," or "What a lovely dress, did you get that on sale? It looks like last year's fashion." She carries herself as if she's far better than you, is overtly condescending, and in general makes you want to scream! When you complain to your husband, he laughs and says "Oh, hey – don't take it so seriously, that's just the way she is." Argh, no help there. How do you deal with her?
What is it about the sight of your man ogling T & A spread naked in a magazine that makes you crazy? Why is it your boyfriend drooling over an air-brushed centerfold shatters your self esteem? You're going along quite nicely in your relationship, until you discover his stash of porn magazines. You throw them away – and he's fine with it. Only 2 months later, you catch him hungrily watching a porn movie in the middle of the afternoon. Suddenly, you're finding porn magazines everywhere. You're devastated. He promises to stop – he loves you and says sex with you is terrific - but somehow the porn keeps cropping up. What do you do? 1) Quit taking it personally. For a lot of guys, sex is a very big deal. Not just sex with a person – but sex – as a drive, as a preoccupation. Porn is a way of dealing with sex, not a substitute for making love with you (unless your love life is in trouble, but that's another story). 2) Make a choice. You have 3 to choose from:
I used to think that when a relationship ends, there's no reason to see the other person again, other than in casual public settings. After all, it's called "ending a relationship" for a reason. All of that changed when I dated one of my long-time friends.
Last December, I made the eight thousand mile trip to the subcontinent to meet his family, hopeful as ever to impress my in-laws-to-be, only to be told that our Vedic horoscopes were not a good match for marriage. In other words: astrology ended my relationship.
Over the weekend, my husband and I moved from our cramped, rundown, one-bedroom apartment near crowded Times Square in Manhattan, to a spacious, gut-rehabbed, state-of-the-art two-bedroom brownstone on a quiet, tree-lined street in Brooklyn. It was a long time coming, and in the weeks leading up to the move—the very first move Drew and I have ever made together—I wondered if we'd even make it to our first wedding anniversary next month. Few things in life challenge a relationship quite like moving does, but I'm happy to report we survived the hurdle.
Boundaries are the invisible lines that separate you from me. Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves to keep us emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe. Sad to say, but many people don’t know anything about boundaries because it’s not something learned in school and is rarely talked about in social circles. Prestigious universities and higher institutions of learning don’t teach boundaries as a subject, yet it’s an essential component to health and success. Boundaries are your indisputable limits that pertain to your comfort level in all areas of your life. There are many forms of boundaries including physical, emotional, sexual, social, financial, intellectual, and spiritual. Boundaries are limits you set to maintain your safety, health and integrity. Boundaries help you to determine your feelings, needs, wants, responsibilities, and identity from others.
Not having to win is a pretty good quality when one is part of a couple, especially when that couple has to parent together and, by the way, also wants to stay in love. We've disagreed plenty over the years about child-rearing issues—and still do. Yet we usually manage to be sure that it's the kids who win in the end.
We couldn't help but chuckle after reading about e-Pressed, a shirt that uses biosensors to interpret and communicate the wearer's stress levels via embedded LEDs. People who see the shirt light up can then press acupuncture points drawn on the shirt, which in turn relax the wearer and turn off the light. At this point, the shirt is still in the preliminary concept stages, but imagine the implications for relationships if e-Pressed went commercial. We're not sure that it'd make the best anniversary present: "Here's an LED-lit shirt, honey, because I can't read your emotions otherwise." (Cue the blinking red light). There are right and wrong ways to get angry. Here are 6 ineffective methods.
Why is it you always seem to want what you can’t have? Why do you try to come between your lover and his work when you know you can't win? I'm out walking my dog. He’s doing his sniffing thing, which seems much more important to him than the peeing thing – and there’s a couple arguing. The guy is trying to get into his car. He’s telling the woman he has to go, he has an appointment, and she’s frustrated. She's saying "You always have an appointment," and he’s saying “Look I can’t run a business and hold your hand at the same time.” She retorts with: “You never have time for me, you’re always working.” He’s trying to make nice with her, saying “We’ll take a vacation when I close this deal” and you know that's never gonna happen.