Relationship expert Dr. Rhoberta Shaler separates the needy adults from the grown-ups and shares the main difference between the two... their fighting style. Read on to learn how you can "grow up" by adding three skills to your relationship repertoire.
CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tracy lies in bed, staring at the celing. The coloured lights are twinkling in the street below and she can hear the jingly ads playing on the TV. It’s nearly 9pm on 24th December. She can’t sleep. But it’s not because she’s anticipating Santa’s visit. A tear slides across her cheek and drops onto her damp pillow. Her in-breath comes in a shaky sigh, shuddering her chest.
We all know that when we are in a relationship, that everything is not going to be perfect and arguments will occur. This is okay and it is perfectly normal. Every person is different and no one is going to agree with a person 100% of the time, even if they are the most compatible couple in the world. One thing that I would like to address in this segment is that when these arguments occur, are you fighting fair or are you just fighting. Now arguing can be a really dangerous thing.
So you're unhappy with your partner. You've probably tried to get them to change numerous times, right? If that didn't work, consider this: you are the problem. This relationship coach offers 5 ways you can alter your ways and move forward together. Bottom line: be the change you want to see.
Becoming more self-aware and empathetic will lead to more effective communication within your relationships. And better communication makes for happier relationships — doesn't that sound nice?
This marriage educator explains how to reach a place of zen and stop enabling people to push your buttons!
One of the most challenging issues I confront in people who seek my help is perfectionism. These are people with very high standards who continually work to meet their goals-admirable qualities most would agree. When it is extreme, however, the relentless pursuit of achievement can lead to a great deal of misery for the individual and for the people in their lives. SIGNS OF A PERFECTIONIST
You never know what you might say in the heat of the moment. Use the do-over method to work through conflicts with your kids after an argument.
May 3 is National Lumpy Rug Day which is basically means it' time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of a lot of your junk. Literally, the lumps in the rug usually come from the furniture that has been sitting around in the same place for ages but in close relationships, those lumps come from sweeping things under the rug.
As I have mentioned before in this series (The Eight Simple Rules to Managing Conflict), the biggest key to effectively resolving conflict is preparation. When we have time to prepare we do much better in resolving conflict than when it is thrust upon us and all we can do is react. When I mediate conflicts, I include a preparation and coaching phase with both parties individually before I ever bring them together. This added phase is critical to a successful mediation, resulting in both parties being prepared, goal-focused, and ready for resolution.
There are two components to every argument/conflict…the conflicting issue (the “what”) and the interpersonal dynamics during the conflict (the “how”). Guess which one is most important? That’s right, the “how.” Very simply, how you do conflict will directly impact the outcome of the conflict itself. If you are kind, respectful, constructively assertive and focused on win-win outcomes, you’ll get one kind of results.
The fight or flight response is a natural response to danger. Our bodies are created to fight or flee when danger is upon us, such as being attacked by a mountain lion. When faced with this kind of danger, the stress hormones pour into our body, causing some blood to leave our brains and organs and go into our arms and legs. This is vital to us if we are actually being attacked by a mountain lion or a mugger. The problem is that this same response occurs when we become afraid in other situations, such as conflict with a partner.