NFL star, Mario Williams, and ex in ugly legal battle over $785k ring. What’s the right thing to do?
As a relationship coach, it’s definitely not my job to muck-rake or publicly weigh in on celebrity disputes when I don’t even know the people involved. It is my job, however, to look for “teachable moments” and try to provide value to people that will help create more conscious, loving and productive relationships. This is one of those moments. Also bear in mind, this is a relationship forum. I am not qualified, nor interested, in giving legal advice here.
Why men and women really sweep stuff under the rug. It's time for communication spring cleaning!
May 3 is National Lumpy Rug Day which is basically means it' time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of a lot of your junk. Literally, the lumps in the rug usually come from the furniture that has been sitting around in the same place for ages but in close relationships, those lumps come from sweeping things under the rug.
Here is a two-step process for successfully resolving conflict between two people
As I have mentioned before in this series (The Eight Simple Rules to Managing Conflict), the biggest key to effectively resolving conflict is preparation. When we have time to prepare we do much better in resolving conflict than when it is thrust upon us and all we can do is react.
When I mediate conflicts, I include a preparation and coaching phase with both parties individually before I ever bring them together. This added phase is critical to a successful mediation, resulting in both parties being prepared, goal-focused, and ready for resolution.
There are two aspects to every conflict..."how" you do conflict and "what" the conflict is about.
There are two components to every argument/conflict…the conflicting issue (the “what”) and the interpersonal dynamics during the conflict (the “how”). Guess which one is most important?
That’s right, the “how.”
Very simply, how you do conflict will directly impact the outcome of the conflict itself. If you are kind, respectful, constructively assertive and focused on win-win outcomes, you’ll get one kind of results.
The fight or flight response is a natural response to danger. Our bodies are created to fight or flee when danger is upon us, such as being attacked by a mountain lion. When faced with this kind of danger, the stress hormones pour into our body, causing some blood to leave our brains and organs and go into our arms and legs. This is vital to us if we are actually being attacked by a mountain lion or a mugger. The problem is that this same response occurs when we become afraid in other situations, such as conflict with a partner.
You wouldn't be in a conflict if an underlying need wasn't being met. Ask for what you need!
I had a love-hate relationship with my old boss. The love part was my incredible respect for this former Olympic gold medalist turned CEO of one of the leading professional development companies in the world. He was one of those people who could make an audience laugh, cry, and get inspired—all at the same time. People always came up to me after one of Terry’s amazing speeches to say how lucky I was to work for this man. I’d smile and say, “I sure am”, knowing I was lying through my teeth.
We already have the ability to diffuse an argument. It's the ability to listen and understand.
“I need a volunteer…Greg?”
Wow, that was more like telling than asking, I thought. “Sure Ron, I’d be glad to volunteer.”
Ron asked me to stand in front of the group as he approached. I knew he picked me for a reason but wasn’t quite sure why…that is until his hands hit my chest with such force that I stumbled back a couple of steps.
“What are you doing?” I yelled, trying to regain my composure.
Conflict is not about who's right or wrong. If it's bothering us, then it is ours to resolve.
…In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. Tighten the mask by pulling on the straps like this. If you are traveling with a child, place your mask on first before assisting them...
Whenever I hear that part of the flight attendant’s pre-flight spiel, I always smile. I smile because my gut instinct would be to place the mask on a child first—had I not repetitively heard that directive. But I get the idea—save yourself so you can save others!
In any conflict we are used to fight or flight, but there is another way. Choose to be assertive.
Assertiveness-Getting What You Want
In the world today we are faced with many choices. We are all built with the instinct for fight or flight when faced with confrontation. But there is a third way--it is to speak up with an assertative voice about what we really want and need in life.