What does it mean to lovingly disengage from conflict? How do you keep your heart open and lovingly disengage when someone close to you is saying things about you that aren't true, or saying things about others that aren't true, or saying things about themselves or about life that aren't true? How do you lovingly disengage when someone close to you is blaming you, complaining, withdrawing from you, resisting you or attacking you?
(A conversation during a coaching session) Me: Tom, how are things going with Nancy? Tom: Well…not that great actually. Me: What do you mean? Last time we talked you were all excited about dating her. Tom: I know. But things have changed. She’s blown me off.
It could happen anywhere: shopping at the mall, a quick visit to the bank, or even a holiday event at your child’s school. One minute, you’re having a great time. The next, your emotions range from shock to bewilderment and you begin to panic. Yes, it’s one of the most frequently overlooked aspects of divorce – unexpectedly running into your ex-wife, especially during the holidays. No one tells you about these little nuances of divorce or how to deal with this situation – only the after math.
It’s that time again—the beginning of the holiday season. I actually had another topic I was going to address this week in my blog but I succumbed to the pressure I felt (from whom or what, I’m not sure) to write about Thanksgiving. I guess it makes sense to do so as family gatherings provoke a lot of things for many people. For some, the annual get-togethers are something to look forward to—a means to connect and spend time with family. But for many, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of a holiday season riddled with anxiety, trepidation, obligation, and conflict.
“When Eddie blames me, I react so fast, before I have a chance to get my adult self onboard. I’m explaining and defending before I can even take a breath,” Lori told me in one of our sessions. I knew exactly what she was talking about, as I had struggled with this same challenge for years.
Every couple has some aggravations with their relationship that seem to defy understanding. “Why in the heck does he/she keep doing that when it is guaranteed to start an argument?” Sometimes these puzzles are hard to figure out. But if you ask different questions or ask them in a different way, you might get a new insight about why these things happen. This takes some detective work but the effort is worthwhile to increase understanding and perhaps avoid some of those common relationship annoyances.
If you are like most people, you experience some form of conflict within your family whether it is just two of you, involves children or even the extended family. Sometimes this conflict can be just in the situation, but there are also times that it runs deeper. There are even times that trust has been severely broken and you do not trust whether another will live up to the support that they talk about or whether another will directly do you harm by betraying you. So, what should you do when you find yourself in such a spot?
None of the three Conflict Personality Types are bad or wrong. However, they all presuppose that conflict warrants a red-alert warning to the system, as would be the case if a tiger with yard-long claws was running you down. Often, conflict, although admittedly uncomfortable, is a huge opportunity for some part of the relationship dynamic to be shaken loose and upgraded. We often miss or overlook the opportunity entirely, so busy are we trying to maintain our safety from the perceived threat by Freezing, Fighting or Fleeing.
Yes, arguments happen and no, they aren't always pretty. And, thanks to the differences in the way our brains are wired, men and women handle them differently. Luckily our friends at Tokii polled their users to give us some helpful tips on working through conflict in a relationship.
Marital Conflict by James E. Barrick, Ph.D. © If there were only two people on earth, there would still be conflicts, e.g. “Hey, stay out of my apple orchard,” or “You just ate my apple,” etc. So we (Society) invented lawyers and judges to protect our rights, rather than drawing swords. Society also invented marital therapists to resolve conflicts within marriage.
Breakups are never easy. Whether you dated someone for 90 days or were in a marriage for nine years, the decision to end a relationship is painful. Aside from the inherent pain, breakups can become quite cruel. It can be tempting to hurt your ex as a way of validating your anger and sadness. The immediate urge to protect your wounded ego can cause you to lose perspective. Regardless of how much anguish you feel, try to keep your dissolution dignified. The more ethically you act, the more elevated you will feel. Moreover, remaining in a constant state of distress and negativity is emotionally (and physically) detrimental. Here are nine ways to end your relationship gracefully.
How Focusing on your Own Emotional Business can Improve Conflict Resolution and Enhance Intimacy The factors that create and sustain a successful relationship can sometimes seem elusive. Particularly in the environment in which we find ourselves today… We are inundated with news of divorce, infidelity, cyber cheating, emotional affairs and so on.
Rejection and criticism arise because of one word: fear. When we are in a state of fear in a relationship, the twin towers of negativity—rejection and criticism—become an embodied part of the couple.
Find us a long-term relationship that's never experienced conflict, and we'll check the sky for flying pigs. The feelings of anger and disappointment we feel when a loved one seemingly wrongs us can be consuming, even uncontrollable. But anyone who's lost his/her temper can tell you: getting angry and getting revenge never pay off; they never make us feel better, in the long run.
by Aiyana Ma'at The very first time my husband and I decided to enroll in Marriage Education classes I was so clear that there were some “issues” he needed to work on and I was just waiting for his “Aha!” moment to come so he could let go of some of his baggage and stop working my nerves. Yup, that was my thinking— pretty arrogant, right? Well, as each week passed what became clearer and clearer to me was the fact that I might be a bit “touched” too meaning I had some bags I needed to put down myself.