Based on our own personal experiences, we can all admit that no couple gets along 100% of the time. In fact, it's completely normal to have differing opinions and for said opinions to create conflict. However, how much fighting is too much fighting? Is there a way to tell whether the arguments are covering up a bigger issue? When two people are so passionate about their relationship and each other, it only makes sense that they're willing to duke it out to get their point across. The problem lies in not knowing how to differentiate between a lover's spat and a full out war.
All couples experience challenges, both big and small, in their relationships. By keeping a few essential tips in mind during good times and bad, your relationship can go the distance.
We've all been there. One minute life is going along as normal, and the next minute, some seemingly small thing has set us off. She left a dirty dish in the sink again! She's driving too fast, after I asked her not to! She never does her share of the cleanup! Suddenly, our anger swells, and knocks us off-balance.
Relationships can be tough especially when you're fighting. By learning how your brain works and understanding the triggers that make you upset, scared or nervous, you'll be able to avoid the fights you desperately want to avoid.
Most of us dislike conflict. Very few people were raised with healthy role models for dealing with differences. But while conflict may appear to be a destructive force in relationships, it can actually help us achieve lasting love. Author Kate McNulty, LCSW writes “Differences can be a source of interest and fresh energy rather than cause us to dig in our heels and defend our positions.”
Years ago, I was madly in love with a woman I’ll call Sarah. The first time I went to her house, I was won over by the huge unabridged dictionary that had a permanent home on her dining room table. When she took me to a raptor center, and then to see a rainbow out over a field of sunflowers at dusk, I knew she was the woman for me. It also didn’t hurt that Sarah was one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, in a butch/tomboi kind of way.
We all know that fighting hurts our relationships - yet endless hours of "processing" can be just as bad. So what's a couple to do? No one really believes that responding to conflict by yelling, storming out, giving each other the “silent treatment,” or trying to stuff our feelings down is a good idea (though sometimes it's all we know how to do.) Obviously, direct communication seems like a much better alternative – and since lesbians and queer women care a great deal about our relationships, many of us have worked very hard to learn to nam
Couples in relationships sometimes fight. But when you ignore your partner's feelings in favor of winning an argument, you do damage to your bond. Learn how to communicate compassionately.
I help my clients see beneath the "fog of war" and get down to what's real — that's where the solution can be found. When two people constantly dig in and fortify their positions, the conflict only blinds both partners and prolongs the battle. That is, until one partner steps up. Only in that moment can healing begin.
When your partner is angry or controlling, what do you do? According to our expert, this is the healthiest thing you can do in a tumultuous relationship.
We live in an amazing age where there are so many methods of communication open to us, so many ways to stay in touch with the people who are important to us. However, in the case of our most intimate relationships, sometimes the best communication methods are the old-fashioned ones. In fact a recent article in Australia’s News.com stated that Oxford University psychologists found husbands and wives who kept in touch using technology ha
As I have mentioned before in this series (The Eight Simple Rules to Managing Conflict), the biggest key to effectively resolving conflict is preparation. When we have time to prepare we do much better in resolving conflict than when it is thrust upon us and all we can do is react. When I mediate conflicts, I include a preparation and coaching phase with both parties individually before I ever bring them together. This added phase is critical to a successful mediation, resulting in both parties being prepared, goal-focused, and ready for resolution.
There are two components to every argument/conflict…the conflicting issue (the “what”) and the interpersonal dynamics during the conflict (the “how”). Guess which one is most important? That’s right, the “how.” Very simply, how you do conflict will directly impact the outcome of the conflict itself. If you are kind, respectful, constructively assertive and focused on win-win outcomes, you’ll get one kind of results.
I had a love-hate relationship with my old boss. The love part was my incredible respect for this former Olympic gold medalist turned CEO of one of the leading professional development companies in the world. He was one of those people who could make an audience laugh, cry, and get inspired—all at the same time. People always came up to me after one of Terry’s amazing speeches to say how lucky I was to work for this man. I’d smile and say, “I sure am”, knowing I was lying through my teeth.
“I need a volunteer…Greg?” Wow, that was more like telling than asking, I thought. “Sure Ron, I’d be glad to volunteer.” Ron asked me to stand in front of the group as he approached. I knew he picked me for a reason but wasn’t quite sure why…that is until his hands hit my chest with such force that I stumbled back a couple of steps. “What are you doing?” I yelled, trying to regain my composure.
…In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. Tighten the mask by pulling on the straps like this. If you are traveling with a child, place your mask on first before assisting them... Whenever I hear that part of the flight attendant’s pre-flight spiel, I always smile. I smile because my gut instinct would be to place the mask on a child first—had I not repetitively heard that directive. But I get the idea—save yourself so you can save others!