1st time "blogger" so I may sound like I'm rambling...sorry. Here goes...
I'm a 47 yr old male and I've been divorced for about 3 months now, after a 9 month separation. Up till the day that changed my life forever, I thought we had a strong marriage, strong family with two kids and the "not perfect" life, but a good life. In fact after talking with every person I knew and alot of people my ex knew, including her family, it was unanimous that everyone thought we had a strong marriage and couldn't believe what she was doing, except for my ex that is! 15 years (almost to the day) down the dray. Now life the way it is pretty much sucks. We have a business together, still have a house that we can't sell due to economy. With our 2 kids heavy into sports and the man my ex seems to show interest in being a coach for one of our kids, I don't seem to be able to get a break from having it shoved into my face and my my nose rubbed in "it" almost on a daily basis. If not for my kids, I'd pack it up and move away to give myself some room to start growing away from her. 2 problems: (1) I love my kids and can't stand the thought of being away from them. (2) I still love my ex (not sure why cause she destroyed everything I loved) but I've never stopped.(after all, it was she that "dumped" on our life, and divorce is nothing more than a legality, not and end to emotional connections). Don't know what to do, but feel something needs to change or I'm going to go nuts! Are there any good books or resources that a "guy" can search out? Most of what I see out here is geared toward women. Good info, but just doesn't seem to have same perspective.??
all names changed, of course. [:
however, i have an early morning as i am going on a fabulous escape from reality and i havent even begun to pack..procrastination has [and always will be] my strong point. [:
I have been enjoying reading an undeniably biased book about marriage, "It's (Mostly) His Fault: for women who are fed up and the men who love them," by Robert Mark Alter. It is completely unfair to the guys, but it is so much fun to read.
In this book, (almost) everything is the guy's fault. He is the one who has to change to improve the marriage. It's like reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" turned inside-out.
I've been reading a book I wish I'd had when my first child was born: "And Baby Makes Three," by John Gottman and Julie Schwarz Gottman. The authors write about how parents can keep their relationship strong as they adjust to the challenges of parenthood.
Most of the book is good solid advice on fighting well: remember you're on the same side, work things through, take a break when you need to. All of the conflict resolution skills you learn before you have kids but forget when you're sleep-deprived.
The Gottmans have an insightful chapter on parents' sex lives, too. What I found most interesting was that couples who adjusted well kept touching each other affectionately, even when their sex drives were low. Other "secrets of couples whose sex life is going well" include: accepting that things have changed, communicating, indulging in quickies, and making time for "gourmet sex."
13 yrs. and 3 boys later. Alone. A city trash man who is told I should be embarrassed by my job I am not! I have job Security! I appreciate a woman for who they are Not what they are. I hope a REAL relationship comes one day but sfter 13 yrs. it 's a longshot.
There's something very different about dating people from using internet dating sites that is a cause for concern, and it's all about being unknown to begin with and issues with honesty.
