My German friend Sandra recently met a man who she’s seen twice in three months. After their first date, she was certain he was the one. When the guy didn’t follow up after the second date with an invitation for a third, she texted him incessantly. She showed up at the school where he works. She drove from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Hamburg to Berlin, a four-hour journey, allegedly to visit her sister. After the man said he wasn’t in town when she phoned to tell him she was there, she rode her sister’s bike around his neighborhood for an hour hoping to run into him. The guy finally gave her the boot when his roommate claimed to have seen Sandra peeking through their curtains, an accusation she firmly denies. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Here's my dirty secret. I once dated a clown. In my defense, I didn't know he was gaga about greasepaint when I accepted his invitation to dinner. It will take serious deprogramming to forget all that he tried to teach me.
I understand the pain of cheating and knowing that your spouse or significant other went to someone else. I fully understand that. I also realize that the wife who has been cheated on immediately becomes the victim, and no one's pain or hurt compares to hers. Personally, I'm not one for people crying "victim," but whatever works for you. However, what I see too often is that the wife/girlfriend doesn't realize or doesn't want to accept the fact that the mistress often loves, cares about, or at least has feelings for her husband/boyfriend. Only on rare, rare occasions is there no emotional attachment involved. And this is where I have came to live. I realize that I have strong feelings for a married man.
