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Saying "Yes" to You  "No" To Others Without Feeling Guilty
Experts Blog

Saying "Yes" to You "No" To Others Without Feeling Guilty

What you say? I've been taught to be of service, the community comes first. I pride myself on helping others. It sounds pretty selfish to me. How can I do that? You don't understand! I've got kids, a job, a husband, an ailing parent to take care of, a to do list that won't quit! I do get it. Totally! I've been there, held hostage in the vice of my inner critic who would claim to the world that I must do it all in some underlying guise of nobility. It's a booby trap!

Warning: May Cause Real Communication!
Experts Blog

Warning: May Cause Real Communication!

Or how to listen so he'll talk and how to talk so she'll listen. Listening intently to another person may just be the most amazing gift you can offer. I used to work on the 24/7 suicide crisis line in France and we were trained in Carl Rogers non-directive empathetic listening skills. When a call would come in, I would greet the caller with, "Hello, SOS Amitié." And wait for the person to speak up. Sometimes it would take a rather long moment, moments in which hesitations and silences give a lot of information to the intuitive listener.

Dealing with Mixed Messages from a Man
Experts Blog

Dealing with Mixed Messages from a Man

Dating a guy who sends mixed messages is not only counter-productive, but it’s also frustrating, confusing and severely annoying. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the dating game and it’s something all of us have dealt with at one point or another. So when it happens, how do you deal with it? This week, one of our followers asks:   Dear @Instigaytor,

Do We Need to Share EVERYTHING with our Mates?
Experts Blog

Do We Need to Share EVERYTHING with our Mates?

I was posed a question which I find interesting.  “Would you like to know if someone hit on me during the day?”  Not in a “this is sexual harassment, I need you to beat this guy down,” kind of way, but in a “would something like that be too much information to share,” kind of way.  The point of the question is essentially, “Are there some things we should not share within our relationship?”

Why You Shouldn't Take Everything So Personally
Experts Blog

Why You Shouldn't Take Everything So Personally

In the middle of a serious conversation a few weeks ago, my husband got up to get himself a cup of water. I was incensed! Here we were, having this serious discussion and he has a sudden urge for water that he couldn't control? In a fury I tell him, "I would never have done that to you!" I felt totally dismissed by him. You know what else he does? He sleeps when he is tired, and he goes to the bathroom when he has the urge. For women … these actions are revolutionary. For men, setting aside these needs would be insanity.

old timey couple argument
Do you make these mistakes?
Experts Blog

3 Killer Communication Mistakes

No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it won't last. When you find someone you can trust and feel safe with, you naturally imagine growing old together. But all too often really good relationships that should last forever just fall apart. Why does that happen? It's often because of three common communication mistakes that, if not caught in time, will tear two people apart.

red flag wave
Do you see the signs?
Experts Blog

10 Relationship Red Flags

"Is it normal that my husand ... ?" Have you ever asked yourself this question and wondered whether or not that thing your partner just said or did was okay? Many of us second-guess ourselves. We worry that we're making a big deal out of nothing. We don't want to start a fight or make things tense, but certain behaviors feel hurtful or seem like huge red flags.

9 Tips For Dealing With Your Crazy, Narcissist Ex
Experts Blog

9 Tips For Dealing With Your Crazy, Narcissist Ex

A narcissist may come across as arrogant and selfish. They undermine others to inflate their own sense of self. They truly believe that the world revolves around them. People and things are there for them to use when and if they please. They are unable to show true empathy for others, which make it difficult to maintain a loving, healthy relationship.

Communications Technology Vs. Relating
Experts Blog

Communications Technology Vs. Relating

Communication is supposed to be helped by technology, right? We're available 24/7 now, through cell phones, texting, Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. We may be communicating, but are we relating? Is a Facebook friend really a friend? Is the first time you tell the person you're dating that you love them in a text? I know couples who have fights because one wasn't effusive enough about the other on Facebook.

3 Traps To Avoid When Talking To Your Man
Experts Blog

3 Traps To Avoid When Talking To Your Man

Women often complain that it's hard to get a man to talk. Or, when they do sit down and talk with a man, that he gets resistant or argumentative, doesn't tell the full truth or just tells her whatever he thinks she wants to hear. Why does he do this? Often, it's because he's had bad experiences talking with you or other women and has developed some defense mechanisms to avoid further punishment.

Don't Take ANYTHING Personally
Experts Blog

Don't Take ANYTHING Personally

Don't take ANYTHING at all personally.  This can be difficult advice to swallow.  Sure, when a complete stranger cuts you off in traffic while making rude hand gestures at you, it's pretty easy not to take it on. Most of us can chock a moment like that up to another person's bad day (or bad life) that has nothing whatsoever to do with us.  But, there are countless other occasions when it's far more difficult not to take personally what someone else says or does. 

10 Ways Jealousy Affects Your Relationship
Experts Blog

10 Ways Jealousy Affects Your Relationship

Everybody knows about jealousy, right? Maybe you've read the claim that a "little" jealousy is good for your love relationship or marriage, or that when your partner is jealous, it means that he or she really cares. If you struggle with jealousy, you probably know how painful and destructive it can be. Not only is jealousy not good for your relationship, it's not good for you either.

Survey Says Get Lucky For Only $218 On Valentines Day
Experts Blog

Survey Says Get Lucky For Only $218 On Valentines Day

After a little Valentine’s Day swooning with I love you to the moon and back cards, a dozen long stemmed roses wrapped in red tissue paper and a fancy dinner, is your man expecting some kind of bedroom reward? You betcha. How much money does a guy have to spend to get lucky on Valentine’s Day anyway? I’ve got some data from a 2013 survey with thousands of respondents that will tell you exactly how much men are spending on the ladies in hopes that a little romancing will have a big bedroom payoff.

The 7 Step Cookie Jar Method To Lure In The Men
Experts Blog

The 7 Step Cookie Jar Method To Lure In The Men

The 7 Step Cookie Jar Method To Have An Epic Dating Life & Great Communication I’m always talking about dating, sex, love and relationships with all kinds of people that I meet from all walks of life, and I pay attention to what they say. A man I know, who I kind-of met online, and kind-of met in a coffee shop, have become great friends and you can guess what our favorite topics is… relationships.