May 3 is National Lumpy Rug Day which is basically means it' time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of a lot of your junk. Literally, the lumps in the rug usually come from the furniture that has been sitting around in the same place for ages but in close relationships, those lumps come from sweeping things under the rug.
Welcome back to 7 Secrets To Mastering Communication! SECRET #6 - COLLABORATE “The secret is to gang up on the problem, rather than each other.” ~Thomas Stallkamp Change. Do you thrive on it or relish the status quo?
It's simple to talk to an old flame when you don't have to look at him. So, an email relationship post-divorce is ideal. But when there are children involved in your relationship, keeping things civil between the two of you is even more paramount. Keeping the emails free of judgement, blame and arrogance is key to keeping a rift in your adult relationship from causing a rift in the one with your kids.
Welcome back to 7 Secrets To Mastering Communication SECRET #5 – Asking Questions Asking questions is a major key to mastering communication. Yet, so often most conversations are a battle for air-time with one person ending up shutting down when the other has done what I call the one-upmanship stunt and taken over the topic. Whether it’s casual bantering or expressing important concerns, hijacking a conversation is rarely conducive to enhancing your relationships over time.
Welcome to Secret #4 of 7 Secrets To Mastering Communication SECRET #4 - Quit Taking It Personally What someone says is about them. What we hear is about us. Kelly Bryson, MFT and author of "Don’t Be Nice, Be Real” gives some great tips inspired by Stan Dale, founder of the Human Awareness Institute who coined the acronym, Q-TIP, for Quit Taking It Personally.
Welcome back to 7 Secrets To Mastering Communication SECRET #3 – Decide To Become A Master Communicator “Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” C.S. Lewis
There are a few simple communication techniques that work like magic in relationships, whether with committed partners, friends, co-workers or relatives. One of the most effective is reassurance, which is simple to do, and calms both of you down, which allows your discussion move on without struggles. When a discussion begins to get difficult, if you learn to stay calm and reassure the other person you’ll find it works very effectively.
In my research (published in the book, Getting Real: 10 Truth Skills You Need To Live An Authentic Life) I discovered that 90% of most peoples' communication is motivated by the unconscious intent to contol. Do you communicate to relate or to control? And do you know the difference?
Last year I opened the virtual doors to my own business. It was a dream come true brought about by hard work and lots of advice from some really brilliant people. One piece of advice I received from a number of sources was to get active on social media but to make sure that my activity wasn’t political. This advice might be good for some people and some companies but I don’t think it’s good advice for me.
Or how to listen so he'll talk and how to talk so she'll listen. Listening intently to another person may just be the most amazing gift you can offer. I used to work on the 24/7 suicide crisis line in France and we were trained in Carl Rogers non-directive empathetic listening skills. When a call would come in, I would greet the caller with, "Hello, SOS Amitié." And wait for the person to speak up. Sometimes it would take a rather long moment, moments in which hesitations and silences give a lot of information to the intuitive listener.
A useful conversation falls apart when partners attack, defend or withdraw. These 'rules' help to keep the connections clean. They are simple. They are not easy, but they will effectively change the way you address — and resolve — your disagreements.
Dear Dr. Romance: My question of the week is how to deal with family opposition of my inter-racial relationship. My dad, who is in his 70s, is vehemently opposed to my relationship with my fiance (who is white). He hasn't even met him and given him a chance. It is quite frustrating given that our wedding is in a few months and I'm not even sure he will come. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Dear Reader:
We’ve got some good news and some potentially bad news about your marriage. First of all, the good stuff... So many headlines shout out scary news about infidelity. We read that 50% of all relationships will be destroyed by cheating. We hear about countless celebrities and political leaders who have been caught having affairs. Their marriages are left broken and in pieces. What’s actually good about this? It’s not true!
Most discussions on communication center around speaking. We learn about what we want to say, who we want to say it to, how we want to say it, and if we are even more aware, we actually think about what our intention is in saying it. We often prepare for a speech, a conversation or a meeting where we need to present ideas and information. But how often do you “prepare” to listen? How often do you think about the quality of your listening, or even ask yourself the question, “How do I want to listen?”