I can't say it enough: "Cold feet" are not a harmless nuisance to shake off as you barrel down the aisle toward your tulle-filled fantasy wedding. They are, in fact, a real indicator that something is wrong, as I learned when I cancelled my nuptials in the nick of time. And a new study backs me up.
The venue is booked. The perfect wedding dress picked out. Flower arrangements, music, seating chart — all the little details — taken care of. But then you get cold feet. No, more than cold feet: You realize you're making a decision that will leave you miserable for life.
When my first I'm-not-sure-I-want-to-do-this pangs began, my initial thought was not, tellingly, how I would express such hurtful feelings to my fiancé, nor was it even how we might break the news to friends and family. It was: I don't think the caterers would take this well. Maybe I'll just stick things out.
Cancelling our wedding plans would mean hassle, embarrassment, and disappointing grandma: I just couldn’t call it off. Ryan’s the right guy for me; I’ve never doubted that. But what do you do when marrying the right guy means living the wrong life?
Whether you've known someone for nine months or nine years, it's normal to feel a little jittery about becoming legally bound and vowing to spend the rest of your lives together. If all your fiancé is feeling is a little cold feet, he'll probably snap out of it pretty quickly and will appreciate you being patient during his minor pre-wedding existential crisis. But if this lasts more than a couple weeks and you find that he's becoming more and more distant or isn't explaining his sudden change of heart sufficiently enough for you, it would probably be a good idea to re-consider your engagement.
You know how some guys really just seem hesitant to get married? Maybe they have some commitment phobia or think that putting a ring-a-ding on it will steal their youth. There are as at least as many reasons as there are common-law married couples for cold feet. Well, not sure if you've seen this video but this gentleman's feet were approaching absolute zero.
I love Dean, but in the bright light of wedding planning I found myself picking him apart. I watched eHarmony.com commercials and wondered how I could know that we were meant to be together if we were never paired by experts based on the nine dimensions of compatibility. I spun myself up more than a dozen times weighing all the pros and cons (in an Excel spreadsheet, no less) and fretting over the unknowns. Read about how I overcame my fears.
As the intro sentence to a new Tango article, "The New Breakup," states: Let's face it: Breakups suck. But let's say you get engaged and move away from your life, your friends, your job for your future husband. And then he calls off the wedding. That sucks a little bit more. That's exactly what happened to RoseMary Shell, who appeared on the Today Show to tell her story. It really is a story of triumph.
A politician in Mexico City has proposed a law to punish runaway brides and grooms. His plan is to make the family of the person that bails out pay for the nuptials. Sounds simple, but we envision a number of scenarios that could seriously abuse this.
For the best advice on sex, love, dating and relationships we ask two experts with personal experience. Cathi Hanauer is the author, most recently, of Sweet Ruin, a novel about love, marriage, and adultery. Daniel Jones is the editor of both the "Modern Love" column for The New York Times, and Modern Love, an anthology derived from the column. They've been married for 15 years, and together they provide a his and hers take on relationship questions. This round: should you date other people before marrying the one you love? Question: I've been dating the same guy exclusively since high school. I'm now 26, and we've been talking about marriage. I'm crazy about him, but I worry that I will regret limiting my dating experience to just one man. Should I explore other options? –Anonymous