I feel great in every time.
I well remember the first time it happened, about a year into our marriage. The evening meal was ready to be served up and I was listening out for the usual key in the door. Why on earth was he so late? First I was angry because the food was burning, but as the minutes ticked by. anger was replaced by anxiety and by the time he eventually arrived a couple of hours later, swaying unsteadily on his feet I was absolutely frantic. He calmed me down and talked himself adroitly out of his tight corner ……… a very old friend ……….
Can you really love an alcoholic? If you read most advice columns it would suggest that love and the alcoholic are two words seldom used in the same sentence. The usual advice is get away from the alcoholic as quickly as possible, run now because it will only cause you pain.
I agree that it's good to honor and appreciate yourself by filling up one's life with self-honoring activities. The fact is, most of us want love, whether male or female, straight or not or both, at the end of the day. I've seen myself and others get so into "loving themselves" that it eventually turned into counter-dependence.
I went to see the new Disney movie, Oz the Great and Powerful, as soon as it came out. I wanted to see it for all the reasons that the millions of people – who paid over $80 million the opening weekend – wanted to see it. But I wanted to see it for personal reasons as well. I wrote a book on the Wizard of Oz (entitled Follow the Yellow Brick Road: How to Change for the Better When Life Gives You Its Worst) and I wanted to see how the Wizard that I wrote about compared to Wizard in the movie … and I did (See Article entitled, Oz the Great and Powerful Relationship
In the previous article; Living with an alcoholic - Shame, we talked about the shame and the secrecy that comes from living with an alcoholic and how it leads to isolation. In this article we will look at ways to start tackling and reducing the shame.
In the previous article we talked about things but you should not do. In this article we'll talk about things that you could do to make it more certain that your partner will do something about their drinking. As suggested in the previous article, as the partner of the drinker you should not fall into the trap of co-dependency, that is living the life reacting to the behavior of the drinker.
One of the commonest questions anyone working in the addiction field is asked is "How can I stop my wife/husband/partner from drinking so much?" Unfortunately the short answer to that is - you can't. They will stop when it suits them, whether that is because they hurt so much or because circumstances change. That is painful to hear, but nevertheless it is true.
For many Xmas is a time of peace and joy, a time of goodwill to all men. Its a time of celebration, eating too much and falling asleep on the sofa. It is a time for families, for children (big and small) for extravagance and fun. However, for a significant minority it is a nightmare, a time to dread, a time for shame, drunkenness, arguments (maybe even violence) and a time for misery.
That is probably a headline that you did not expect. Living with an alcoholic and there is good news. For most people who live with an alcoholic good news is rare. If you live with an alcoholic you probably feel that your life is one disaster after a crisis after a tragedy. Also you probably feel that there is little in the way of support for you and your situation. You are not alone.
When we hear someone upset or complain, or when someone comes to us with a problem, it's easy, and actually pretty common for us to want to fix the problem for that person. We don’t want to see that person suffering. But in reality, more often than not we actually end up doing the person a disservice by coming from this focus of wanting to fix their problems for them.
When I'm not in a relationship with anyone, I feel OK. I spend more time with my friends, I go out, I keep active, but I do generally enjoy being in a relationship more than not being in one. This doesn't mean I actively look for relationships, but when I do have one it kind of takes over me.
Your teen leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. Instead of getting into another fight with him or nagging him to pick them up, you do it for him. It’s easier, right? Your daughter with ADD is having problems completing her science project. She can’t seem to focus and complains that it’s boring and too difficult. After she goes to sleep, you finish it for her. After all, you don’t want her to fail.
A woman's biggest fear is coming off as needy. Why else would we be taught exactly when to respond to a text, when it's okay to ask a guy out, when it's okay to say, "I love you" for the first time?
Are you a person who takes care of everyone else before yourself? Do you believe you should put yourself last? If you take care of other's needs before your needs routinely, then you may have co-dependent tendencies. Taking care of yourself enables you to then be available to take care of others. If you neglect your personal needs and wishes and care for others instead, then you may begin to feel resentful and "empty." In a relationship, co-dependent behaviors can potentially sabotage your relationship success.