Although there is no book of parenting rules, particularly when parenting through a divorce, there are some guidelines, a child’s ‘bill of rights’ that can help parents focus on the needs of their child(ren). 1. Children should have the right to develop safe, healthy, loving, meaningful relationships with each parent. 2. Children should retain the right to have contact with extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins).
CHILDREN AND DIVORCE
Both my mother and my sisters are divorced and I am too. However, I don't believe that my mother's predicament could have predicted our divorces. Afterall divorce is not genetic as some may believe. There are plenty of people who have divorced parents, and the numbers keep on growing. But does this mean that their children will end up in the same predicament? Not necessarily. There are plenty of couples that have divorced parents who are happily married and have no desire to divorce.
One of the most damaging things you can do to your child is to use them as an object of your anger. Here is a list of dos and don'ts that can assist you in parenting in a way that best protects your children while you are going through your divorce.
Your teen leaves his dirty clothes all over the house. Instead of getting into another fight with him or nagging him to pick them up, you do it for him. It’s easier, right? Your daughter with ADD is having problems completing her science project. She can’t seem to focus and complains that it’s boring and too difficult. After she goes to sleep, you finish it for her. After all, you don’t want her to fail.
As women, we typically give, and want, more in relationships than men. We want nice homes and solid families, not just some roof over our heads and a bunch of people co-existing together~although that sure would be easier. Nope, we want connection, we want the fairy tale, and we want it all~but we aren't driven to nurture unconditionally as everyone expects, we just don’t admit that out loud. Women need to start honoring the conditions nature instilled in us, though, because it is women who carry the burden with the disadvantages when things head south.
Change is hard for emotionally healthy and mature adults in divorced situations. Moving from what was a normal daily life to a new normal always takes adjustment and compromise for the whole family. It also takes time and effort and a willingness to adapt. Is "nesting" a better solution for all involved?
With divorce rates in America topping over 50%, the sad truth is that many parents will be faced with telling their children they are getting divorced. Divorce can have negative effects on children, but based on how it is handled, divorce can also have the potential of making family situations better. Kids are smart. Because the relationship has likely already shown signs of trouble, the news may not come as a complete shock to them. Some kids may even feel a confusing sense of relief. How and when to tell children is an important factor, however. Here are some guidelines to help.
Today we learned that another celebrity marriage is ending; Katy Perry & Russell Brand will be filing for divorce. It's big news because they're young and famous, because the marriage only lasted 14 months and because they always seemed an unlikely couple. But marriages are ending every day among us, especially as the new year begins. As someone who's never been married, it makes me wonder. Do people get so caught up in the whirlwind romance that they don't think about the idea of lifetime commitment? Or do they go into the marriage thinking, "I hope this works, but good thing for 'irreconcilable differences' in California"?
Why this series: I talk about safety planning a lot because I'm a domestic violence advocate and the women who come to the nonprofit where I offer my time are trying to modify or leave relationships that have more than the usual problems. Yet the response I often get, even from someone who has just been in court asking for a Restraining Order against her spouse (same thing as a Protective Order), is "No, I don't need to do any safety planning. I have it covered."
Every year, millions of children grieve over their parents' divorce, but new research says that the experience can compromise their math scores and friendships as well.