Two years ago, I married the coolest man on the planet. I often say that he's my rock and he rocks my world. Unfortunately, my husband travels regularly for work. Every week, Sunday through Thursday, he jets to a client's location, which leaves me alone in our bedroom four nights a week. And when my husband does come home on Thursday nights, he's typically tired, worn out and not exactly primed for sex. What's a girl in her late 30s—her sexual prime—to do? Improvise. If you, like me, feel challenged because you and your partner's sexual urges aren't syncing up, read on. I've developed a system that seems to be working for us. I hope it'll work for you, too.
Let's talk about sex and marriage—they do go together, don't they? Not if you ask many of my clients. In fact, it seems like the number of marriages with little or no sex is increasing. Sexless marriage is not a new phenomenon. In a 2005 Family Circle national survey, 21 percent of married women said their sex lives were boring and routine, 21 percent reported having no sex life at all, and almost 50 percent said they had no desire to have sex with their partner.
I am a sex life coach. Where dating coaches tell you what to do before you enter the bedroom, I strengthen my clients' skills and connection once they're already in bed. Today I'm going to give you a series of basic techniques designed to give your beloved woman the very best in erotic, physical pleasure.
Everyone who's anyone knows that having lots of great sex makes you feel better. Having a healthy, regular sex life is good for the body, mind and the spirit. Recent studies by Harvard University and iVillage have brought this to the public's attention again, but we've known about the positive benefits of sex for decades. And yet, somehow there are lots of people ignoring the advice. In August I wrote about some practical ways you can take responsibility for your own pleasure, but the reality is that most people probably already know what they need to do, and they're still not doing it.
Sex is a wonderful gift to be enjoyed and shared by both of you. Good sex promotes physical and mental health and the vitality of the relationship. Sex releases endorphins, which elevate mood and lower stress and pain levels. So after having sex, each partner associates feeling good with the other. Testosterone, the sexual hormone engine for both men and women, also generates connection. To boot, having sex drives up levels of oxytocin, the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone which creates a strong biological attachment. For a man, having sex is usually synonymous with feeling intimate and close, even more so than for a woman.
There are a few things most of us women have in common: we appreciate a decadent dessert, we love a clearance sale at our favorite store and we all wouldn't mind looking and feeling younger and healthier. Some of us are so devoted to our personal fountain of youth, we invest small fortunes into overflowing bathrooms filled with lotions and potions, visits to trainers, doctors, nutritionists and healers… whatever it takes to find the miracles that will give us smoother skin, fuller hair, less aches and pains, reduce terminal illness risk and just overall, make us fee
Who's in charge in your bedroom? You? Or Him? If the answer is him, then you're missing out on being fully present in your sexual relationship, which is not only vital to your relationship but vital to your own health and sense of self. My next question is then: As a woman, why aren't you initiating sex? If you're not sure what the answer is then I urge you to take a closer look for the sake of your own sexual identity.
In survey after survey, men rate "premature ejaculation" as one of their top two sexual concerns (the other being "penis size"). When a man is troubled by premature ejaculation, a couple's sex life can be extremely disappointing for both parties, and often leads to couples ceasing having sex altogether and sometimes even to the end of the relationship entirely.
When couples set out to create their family, very few of them give consideration to the changes that take place in the bedroom after the kids are born. For many of the couples I see, the joy of having children is diminished by the loss of their marital and sexual connection. Watch as I explain how you can re-create the eroticism in your marriage and connect with your partner on a deeper, more meaningful level.
Are you single and still sleeping in your flannel pajamas while waiting for Mr. Right to sweep you off your feet? Throw away the Cinderella dreams along with your outdated nightie and get ready to learn the art of flirting before you walk out the door for the evening. Often, when you aren’t in a relationship, you don’t dress as if your dream guy was picking you up for dinner. Let’s face it. It’s easy to get lazy and end up in a rut. You can’t remember your last kiss. You’ve gained a few pounds since your last relationship. You've started to wear less makeup. Your favorite dress never made it to the dry cleaner and still has a spot on the side from the night you spilled red wine on it. The last time you got waxed was when someone detailed your car a year ago.