It's definitely not the type of light and airy chat you want to strike up on your first starry-eyed date. Let's be honest: Dredging up the past and owning all things that went right and wrong can be about as pleasant as having a root canal. But precisely because spilling the beans requires such a high level of comfort and trust, a Q&A session (topic: all things past) with your guy can bring the two of you closer in your relationship.
Seasoned daters tend to consult a Zagat for advice before a first date, so why not consult the go-to resource during other stages of the dating game? There's no good reason not to, especially in light of the recent Zagat Dating (And Dumping) Guides. Yes, the makers of the self-proclaimed food and travel bible do have all the answers now. Since Love Buzzers know wisdom when we see it–namely in Zagat's Dating (And Dumping) Survey results–we'll grace you with the highlights:
You know you might be a candidate for Dating A Banker Anonymous if you've suffered any of the following: a. Your Bergdorf's allowance has been halved. b. Bottle service has all but disappeared from your life. c. You depend on your boyfriend for the above indulgences. Such is the premise of the support group and blog that two ex-girlfriends of Wall Street types started after the market—and then their relationships—plunged. When they noticed other women complaining about the enhanced thriftiness, neediness and emotional instability of their banker boyfriends, they decided the girlfriends (dare we call them gold diggers?) needed some newfound support of their own. At informal meetings over cocktails, groups of twentysomething women gather to lament their downtrodden or unemployed I-banking men.
If you're lucky, the first time meeting your significant other's relatives generates a droll little tale about mispronouncing his mother's name or spilling red wine on Aunt Sue—minor embarrassments that fuel anecdotes to share with future children. But, what if you find you are marrying into Appalachian forest people? What if your future father-in-law cops a feel during the introductory hug? What if you find yourself hanging out naked with your in-laws? Families are insane, no doubt, but marvelous in-laws happen when the insane fits.
Jealousy, that envious devil, screws with even the strongest relationships. Today we give relationship advice and partially refute the advice of Carolyn Hax, Cary Tennis and Margo regarding a boy-crazy BFF, a guy that likes the platonic company of another woman and what to do when he won't admit you're his girlfriend.
He spoke with terrific emotion about ex-lovers, probably to make me jealous, but I didnt’t really like him enough to mind. There was Michelle Rosenthal, Mimi Moskowski, Avivah Katz. The list continued on with clunky Jewish last name after clunky Jewish last name, lots of bergs and ovitskys, very few vowels. I could just picture him masturbating to a map of Israel every night.
Up until I was six years old, my family celebrated Christmas. In 1984, we moved to a new town in a new state and joined a synagogue. As December rolled around, there was no tree, just a menorah in the kitchen and a pile of Hanukkah presents in the corner of the living room. In high school, I began dating a Catholic boy—and like a holiday miracle, Christmas returned! I was a jolly, happy soul once more... until we broke up and I had to find a new Christian boyfriend to spend the holidays with. On the occasions that I did not have a boyfriend during "the season," I was the sad orphan Jew.
Poll: Have You Had Ex Sex?: Yes, it's part of the breakup process. No, this only delays me from meeting someone new.
When it comes to dating, there are so many rules. Rules, rules, rules. You can't call someone the day after you get her number. You're not supposed to wear a T-shirt with holes in it to your new flame's swanky birthday dinner. When someone says, "call me back—if you want to," the day after you have a "talk" about not "calling enough," maybe you should just call her back, even if you don't want to. If I just had a motorcycle and a leather jacket, I think things would be a whole lot easier. Those are rebel tip-offs. With a leather jacket, people know what kind of bad mamma jamma they are dealing with. And if, in your leather jacket, you wrote a poem about a girl, gave it to her, and then rode off on your motorcycle, she would be like, "Wow, he's so sexy," instead of being like, "Wow, ew." That's why I'm going to start smoking Rebel brand cigarettes. Maybe I should just get a pet snake or an electric guitar, too. Then they'll understand that rules don't apply to me.
Right now, I'm in the most serious relationship I've ever been in; as in, even though I live in New York and he lives in San Francisco, we've talked about where and when we could live together—and how soon. He's met my uncle; I've gone to his family's cabin, and I'm joining them for Thanksgiving. His mom sends me emails, and my grandmother sends me clippings urging him to stop smoking. We talk almost every night and end most calls with "I love you." Does this make him the one? Rachel Kramer Bussel explores.
Nothing can strike fear into the most confident of women like a mother-in-law. A close second? A future mother-in-law (FMIL), or even more terrifying, meeting his mom for the first time (contain your shrieks of terror!) as she hosts you for the holidays. Sure, most FMILs are warm-hearted, apron-donning rays of sunshine. But just in case you need to win her over, here are the perfect hostess (with a twist) gifts. With these in hand, you'll prove you're the one for her son.
Shana cringed whenever I chewed on a pen –-which was pretty much every time I had one nearby. I told her that I heard her, was trying my best to remember not to do it around her, and that it wasn’t personal. After the 23rd time of being yelled at –yelled at—while I was concentrating on a crossword, I told her I felt nagged. She replied, "I nag because I love." I nag because I love is one of those phrases thoughtlessly tossed out of convenience to excuse bad behavior, but if you put any thought into, you’d realize doesn’t hold up. Think "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" or "The surge is working."
What do you do if your significant other is a slob? How do you manage your differences? Catie Lazarus has some love and relationship issues and needs a therapist. She found the most experienced one out there...you! Watch "On the Couch" for all the public therapy you will ever need.
On Sunday evening, Angie and I attended a “silent rave” in Union Square Park, which is essentially a few hundred people dancing wildly to the music on their iPods. So if you’re walking by and happen to see this, it looks like a few hundred crazies rocking out to no music. And I mean, rocking out – arms flailing, rave-type stuff. It sounded like a lot of fun and another chance to act like a kid again (and Angie loves stupid fun just as much as I do) so we hopped on the idea. It was crazier than I imagined. There was a conga line, beach balls, lit-up pineapples, Japanese break dancers, a girl in a banana costume, lots of NYPD, and Angie and I, jumping up and down, screaming, “I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT!” After much effort, we had synched some of the tracks on our iPods so we could vibe to the same song.