Educate people in your life about your boundaries. Calmly and respectfully inform them about how they can and cannot behave around you. Let people know what you want and don't want, what you like and don’t like.
If your life is filled with discord and you don’t feel that others respect you, it's time to set your boundaries. Each of us experiences our reality in four ways: 1. Body - what we look like 2. Thinking - how we give meaning to incoming data 3. Feelings - our emotional response 4. Behavior - what we do or don't do Intact boundaries give measured protection to your body, thinking, feelings and behaviors as you evaluate and assess the words and actions of other people in your life. You filter your experiences through your cognitive mind and your feelings. Through the use of your boundaries you determine which words and actions you will accept and which you will block when they are unacceptable. We set boundaries to protect our body, thinking, feelings and behavior. This week give some thought to how well you set and maintain your own boundaries and honor the boundaries of others. What are your boundaries? Where do you draw the line? How do you react when someone sets a boundary on you?
If your life is filled with more of what you don't want and not enough of what you do want, it's time to set your boundaries. Boundaries define a person's sense of self (i.e., who he or she is as an individual). Setting boundaries makes others feel safe around you and allows you to feel safe in your environment. It is a way to exhibit self-respect, thereby increasing the respect shown to you by others. Boundaries… Help other people know how to treat you. Define your sense of self. Delineate how much you have to give of time, money or energy. Are dividing lines between you and everyone else that represents both physical and emotional limits others may not violate. Separate your needs, wants, desires, thoughts and feelings from others. Setting and keeping your boundaries and honoring the boundaries of others are among the most challenging and confusing behaviors in relationships.
Would you want your partner to know what you communicate to others via text, email, phone calls, etc? What about your internet habits? Are your actions in line with your values and commitment? What about your partner; would he/she be comfortable sharing his cyber habits with you? Is MySpace YourSpace?
Some women love to pick at their boyfriend's or husband's pimples. Why? It might go back to our roots as primates, for whom grooming is a normal part of intimacy. And, surprisingly, the author of this story found a sorority of 'pickers' who are as enthusiastic about the practice as she is.
Certain words I dread ("We need to schedule two more dental appointments") while others I would kill to hear ("Ann Coulter's physician confirms sex-change operation"). And then there are statements that defy imagination, such as; "My husband gave me the greatest birthday present last night—a public flogging." I actually overheard one of my exotic dance students say these exact words last week. Now, I'm not exactly unfamiliar with the BDSM scene.
If you are tired of your relationship and want to take a break, sit down with your partner and work out the rules. Clearly communicate the goal of the separation and the expectations. Can he have sex? Can you? Should you have sex with one another? Will you go out on dates? All of these are key questions that should be decided upon before you leave the relationship. The author outlines six simple rules for a separation and how do decide the limits in order to make your separation successful. Pick a clear starting and end date. Decide on clear boundaries. Communicate with one another. Figure out the finances. Should you have sex? Make your separation a clean break.
An OB-GYN in British Columbia was recently suspended for asking out a patient- an ethical no-no according to the British Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons' annual report, which dually notes its recent review of the 28 sexual misconduct allegations of 24 different physicians in 2007. The report vaguely recounts the telltale signs of inappropriate conduct -as if there is any question whether sexual intercourse may be inappropriate during a typical pelvic exam. Also far from surprising: "sexualized touching" appears on the list.
Sure all good couples are too close but is there such thing as too close for comfort? There sure is. Everyone needs breathing space from time to time. So it's best to set healthy boundaries and try to abide by them. So, what about your boundaries? Are they permeable (which encourages closeness and intimacy) or are they flexible (which can promote lack of trust and stifle intimacy)? Find out.