For many people, there is a direct correlation between negative self image and their libido. It's hard to feel sexy with a slew of negative thoughts swirling around in your head. We asked our Experts to weigh in with simple yet effective ways readers can feel sexier right now. Using the principal of acting "as if" (aka fake it until you make it!), we think this can help even the most stubborn believer to connect with her more sexual self and reap some of the amazing benefits of a healthy sex life.
Your relationship with your 'self' is one of the most critical relationships you'll be in over the course of your life. How you feel, and what you believe to be "true"about your self, your body, your mind and your spirit often translates, like a ripple in a pond, into your collective self image often called your self-esteem. Positive, loving beliefs appear to inspire loving actions and a loving relationship with your self. Similarly, negative, mistaken beliefs often inspire an abusive and a mistrusting relationship with your self.
You know how it goes. You're just starting to get your sexy groove on and suddenly you have an attack of the gremlins, whispering their poisonous prattle in your ear about this being too lumpy and that being too small. And you find your libido falling faster than your first souffle.
Think back on your inner dialogue today. If you’ve like the average American woman, you have 13 negative thoughts about your body each day. Well, guess what? Your self-esteem has been listening, internalizing every perceived inadequacy. Here’s a question: do your thighs really make you unsexy? or does your negative perception of your thighs make you feel unsexy? It’s time to start treating our bodies with the same kid gloves we use on the ones we love—if not, it’s not just our self-esteem that suffers, it’s our whole sense of well-being, relationship satisfaction included.
Our relationships with our bodies is one of the most sensitive and critical relationships of our lives. The messages of abuse, tenderness, love, hate and everything in between that we send our bodies have a major impact on both body image and functionality. A study published on Glamour.com found that the average woman has 13 negative thoughts about her body each day with several women reporting 35, 50 and even 100 negative thoughts a day.
Both emotional specialists and psychologists generally agree that eating disorders are generally rooted in negative body image. When this happens, sufferers usually see distorted body images when they gaze in a mirror – and as such, feel "fat" or otherwise imperfect regardless of whether these terms accurately describe the structure of their physical bodies. Negative body images can manifest from one or more of the following factors:
Although we all know that men tend to think about sex more frequently than women do (one in 20 think about sex once a minute—wow!), a new survey of 5,000 people shows that women may be substituting those hot and bothered thoughts with worries about what they're eating. The British survey found that 25 percent of women think about food every 30 minutes, while only 10 percent report thinking about sex that often.
"Love they neighbor, as thy self", one of the Ten Commandments, tells us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, and yet, loving ourselves is rarely anything we're taught. The concept of loving myself, let alone my body, was never part of my early learning. In fact, I was taught to cover my body, and even be ashamed of it. What are the messages you received from family, teachers, religious leaders, magazines and movies about your body as you were growing up? Teen years can be especially difficult with all the hormonal and physical changes fueling
Physical appearance will always be a hot topic. It's the first thing we notice when evaluating a potential match, or anyone for that matter. We all know that these days the somewhat stereotypical ideal body type is that of a super-slim celeb. We snap up gym memberships, try tons of fad diets and take weight loss supplements to obtain that amazing physique. It's pretty indisputable; for most of us, appearance is important. At least to a certain extent. We had to wonder, though. Exactly how much does weight matter in the dating game? We took to our Facebook page to ask YourTango users their thoughts on this question: "When it comes to dating, does weight matter?"
Ladies, if you're wondering why your sex life isn't as thrilling as you would like it to be, forget about picking up tips on how to wow his world from some self-help book or women's magazine. The answer may be as simple as shaping up the right muscles. "When it comes to great sex, preparing for a little fun in the bedroom isn't any different than what athletes go through to prepare for their sport," says Marta Montenegro, exercise physiologist and creator of the Montenegro Method. "You need the right amount of strength, power, flexibility, agility and stamina to perform at your best, which is why a well-designed exercise program is crucial."
A recent study proves more is more in bed. A recent study out of Turkey concluded that overweight men with obvious bellies last longer in bed than their thinner counterparts. Men with a higher BMI and, yes, unsightly guts, lasted an average of 7.3 minutes where the slimmer of the group could barely hold on for 2 minutes. Ouch, right? Are big-bellied men really better lovers?
If you're like most women you probably hold back during sex sometimes because you aren't 100 percent confident about the way your body looks. If you're the type who switches off the light and dives under the covers before your husband can see you, then you may be missing out. When you spend time worrying about what body parts may be too soft, too jiggly or just plain ol' too big, you end up ruining your own good time (and his).
What do animals in the wild and men have in common? Their dance moves, of course! OK, not so much their moves, but the messages their moves say to the females around them. British scientists have determined not only what makes a man a "good" dancer but that this designation usually corresponds to a man who's in good health. Moves like "twisting, bending, moving, and nodding" are sure to catch a woman's eye, just as they do in the animal kingdom. A male dancer whose moves are rigid and repetitious is less attractive to women than one whose neck, torso and—curiously—right-knee movements are flexible and varied.
I used to work retail and "fitting room" was my favorite shift. Let me tell you, what people say when they're in their underpants trying to squeeze into something is comedy gold! So, let's laugh together with these completely true, yet hilarious, things women are insecure about when it comes to their bodies.
I know that as a mom, I have had a hard time accepting my mom body. There are days and times when I look in the mirror and say, "Damn girl, you are lookin' HAWT!" and there are still other days when I look in the mirror and think, "what in the world happened to my body?"