In case you've been out of iPhone contact for the past couple weeks, here's the latest: Over New Year's weekend, Russell Brand filed for divorce from Katy Perry. This is just musing and speculation, but what if Katy and Russell began the exit from the "honeymoon phase" of their romance, and realized their values and life goals were totally different? How can you avoid that mistake in your life?
Your heart and your instincts are often at war, and there's always a blurred line between them. The old adage says to "follow your heart, but trust your instincts." I've always found that statement difficult to make sense of. If your instincts say leave and your heart says stay, then which do you listen to?
Statistics show most people still want to get married someday. And it seems some women I know want to get married in the worst way. I worry about them succumbing to the pressure, sacrificing everything to get to their big days.
Let's face it: if your ultimate goal in dating is to find someone to love, then you will likely wind up frustrated at some point in the process. Frustrated with the games, the communication mishaps, the sheer number of dinner dates you have to sit through before finding a love connection. As Charlotte York so aptly stated in one memorable episode of Sex and the City, "I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted! Where is he?" It's a fair question. However, in asking it, many tend to forget that dating is not a very successful endeavor... statistically speaking. Throughout the course of a woman's life, she may go out on dates with 30 different men, fall in love with three, and marry one. It doesn’t take a mathematical genius to figure out that those odds aren’t exactly stellar.
Does this sound like you? Do you feel the pressure to make Christmas completely perfect for your family? Does everyone expect you to make twelve dozen different types of cookies, set up two Christmas trees, and top the gifts with a perfect little bow? Some women in my research reported feeling as though they had “created a monster” by making the holidays so darn magical. They feel stuck doing all the work, even though they'd actually like to put less emphasis on the decorating and preparing and more time into simply "being present" during time with their families. Why not make the holidays a little less magical and a little more enjoyable this year?
Thanksgiving is done, but Christmas is right around the corner. That means more extended family visits. Here are some thoughts on how to enjoy the holidays with your spouse and the in-laws.
I started to fear deep-down that my serious lack of dating finesse meant I was destined to be alone. And that devastated me, because I really want to get married some day. I want a husband, kids, the big family I never had. And for a time, I began to force it. I went out actively looking for love, going on dates with guys I knew it would never work out with, and then getting upset when it didn't. Lately, I've taken a step back. After careful thought and a little divine inspiration, I finally came to a conclusion: That I'm just not cut out for dating as we've come to know it today. And I think I've been building up to this revelation for a while now.
A few years ago, on a warm summer evening, I got together with four of my single girlfriends and prayed. We gathered in my friend Tracy’s living room. Two of us sat on the edge of her couch, and two of us sat Indian style on the floor, arms outstretched, hands clasped together. We burned candles, we closed our eyes, we prayed for ourselves and for each other, and for the imaginary men that we hoped to one day marry. In preparation for this evening of prayer, we had each completed The List, a complex, thoughtfully-planned affair with bullet points and petitions for things like a man who is a "spiritual leader," has a great sense of humor, is financially stable, and is of course, "my best friend." It’s the Christian female’s version of the Holy Grail, and many of us spend our lives searching for it. For him.
Ask any mom: we're not only the nurturers of our children, we're also the party responsible for documenting their lives. But why is it that because I’m a woman, I’m expected to be the family scribe? No matter how much I expressed my love to my children, did my lack of creativity make me a bad mom? Not at all, and my the solution has made preserving memories a way more memorable experience.
We'd like to think of romantic love in that made-only-for-you way. When the time is right, when the stars align, we're going to meet that one other person who makes us tick. It'll be magic. It sounds great, right? To me, the idea of The One definitely does. Only thing is, I don't believe in it.