What happens when two grown adults who like to dress up on Halloween have a child? Well, he gets to be part of the madness, until he wants to begin deciding for himself what he wants to be for Halloween. What are his parents to do? Especially since he keeps changing his mind?
Our culture has been trying to decouple marriage (and sex, for that matter) from reproduction. The problem with that is that you can't. Yes, not all married couples plan on having children—although some of them eventually do. And even infertile couples can adopt children. We like to think of marriage as being a celebration of love and caretaking—and while that's the core of marriage, that's not why the state recognizes it and supports it. We like to think that marriage is about love, but for the government it's all about sex.
Throughout our marriage, the tradition of the Halloween spreadsheet has helped us make the holiday our own. Thanksgiving and Christmas are constant negotiations in family demands and time management, but Halloween is all ours to enjoy. Together we carve pumpkins, play games and fuss over the spreadsheet. Often we are invited to parties, but we turn them down. Halloween is our night. And we do allow devils and witches, and all too often my pumpkins are sinister, but I understand now why my parents held so tightly to their traditions of Halloween. And no matter how crazy my future kids think the Halloween spreadsheet is, I going to make them do it.
Matt and I knew fairly early on that we would get married. There was never a conversation where I he told me that I had to become Catholic; in fact, Matt had assumed that we would get married in the Armenian Church because that was where I was baptized. However, shortly after we were engaged, I decided that I would take the adult confirmation class and convert to the Catholic faith so that we could get married in the church and I would be able to take communion with my husband at our wedding.
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the best links and thought provoking articles on love and marriage. This week, we are talking about the new marriage and divorce rates and what exactly do they say (or not say) about the current state of love in America? Also, October marks the beginning of YourTango's 31 Day Sex Challenge, which challenges you to make your love life better this month. Find out what you can do to your sex life in 31 days.
Our son just turned five, and it won’t be too long until he will be getting notes from little girls (or sending them himself) with “Do you like me? Check Yes, No, or Maybe (that middle box)” scrawled across the page. How are we supposed to guide him on this journey of love, sex and marriage? We have figured out a few things we think he should know for his journey.
We edged to the back of the room and took in the scene. It must have taken teams to concoct the topiary-like hairdos and apply the rich colors to the women’s faces. From the array of outfits it appeared we were in a cafeteria for extras from different movie sets. A distinctly Western accent interrupted my thoughts. "Have one," a young woman said, motioning to a pile of sticky, honey-glazed deserts on the table next to where we stood. "Dinner won’t get started for hours." She was costumed and made up like a belly dancer, her long gleaming hair flowing straight down her back. In the U.S. this would have been a wildly slutty costume at a Halloween party, but among these women she looked tame.
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the best links about love, marriage and fighting over chores. This week, we are talking about J.J. Abram's new T.V. show Undercovers that's all about marriage and bazookas. Seems about right to me! Also, taking a vacation with your family, finding time for sex and other links we love. Also, make sure you check out YourTango's 31-Day Sex Challenge starting in October. It's going to be epic.
My family wasn't the only one caught up in this idea of courtship. In the wake of the publication of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, a whole generation of Christian conservatives were booting modern dating out the door. There were rallies and conferences where we jammed out to Christian music and cheered when a speaker said things like, "Dating is of the devil!" or "No kissing before marriage!" We sighed when we heard stories about a couple sharing their first kiss on their wedding day. We weren't just pledging our virginity, we were pledging to stay away from dating, hand-holding, kissing and the opposite sex. We were pledging to prepare ourselves to be good wives by staying submissive to our parents until the day they handed us over to our husbands.
Across the country couples face the tough decision: to marry or not to marry. But in California that decision is being left up to a judge. A federal judge can't order that people change their minds, however. No court can. Essentially, who is responsible for making important decisions about marriage?