My husband's brothers are fundamentally different from me. They talk guns, hunting, fishing, baseball and the intricacies of making lures. I like to talk about books or tell the story I heard about an old woman hiding her scandalous photos in her safety deposit box (true story). To bridge that communication gap, I make my brother-in-laws pies. An apple pie is the universal language for, "I think fishing lures are boring, but you are awesome."
Saturday was my day to go to traffic school. I had to report there before November so my ticket for driving 50 in a 30 doesn't go on my record. When I reported to the class at 8:30 that morning, I never thought I would leave with information to help my marriage. Here is some of what I learned.
If God commanded it, then we would find a way to obey it. The important thing is that we would communicate, and we would work it out together as a couple, with decisions mutually agreed upon. That’s necessary for any kind of marriage. Polygamy as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints used to practice it was never about sexual gratification. It was about family; survival, parents for children, and raising children to learn what we believe are correct and ethical principles. If it were reinstated, it would be about family again.
Each week, Traditional Love rounds up the very best (or at least marginally interesting) news on love and marriage from around the web. This week we're talking about, sticking together, STD's, patriotic puckers and the infidelity rate of careers. One of the more interesting articles comes from The Seattle Times, where they ask if an STD should ruin a marriage? What would you do if you your spouse told you s/he had an STD?
It's not that I deny the power of faith. Faith is an incredibly important part of my life, but I know that faith is no panacea for any relationship. According to a study conducted by the Barna Research Group, couples who profess faith in God are just as likely to divorce as any other couple, and of this segment born-again Christians have the highest rates of divorce. Shocking? Not for me.
According to SmartMarriages, about 70 percent of couples get married in a church. Yet, how did marriage and religion become so closely intertwined? Despite what you may think, marriage didn't start off as a $30,000 religious ceremony. If the Bible is to be believed, the first marriage took place without a $10,000 dollar Vera Wang dress. The bride and the groom were in the nude and consummated their union by hanging out with a snake (not a double entendre). After being kicked out from the Garden of Eden, Adam's descendants had complicated marital relationships often involving more than one wife and several concubines (I'm looking at you King Solomon).
Every week, Traditional Love rounds up the most interesting and helpful love and marriage links from around the web. We do this, because we cannot physically force your spouse to empty the dishwasher. But we can link to articles that tell you how to make them do chores. This week, we're talking about getting fit in your marriage and a free eBook of Marriage Gems, just for you.
What happens when two grown adults who like to dress up on Halloween have a child? Well, he gets to be part of the madness, until he wants to begin deciding for himself what he wants to be for Halloween. What are his parents to do? Especially since he keeps changing his mind?
Our culture has been trying to decouple marriage (and sex, for that matter) from reproduction. The problem with that is that you can't. Yes, not all married couples plan on having children—although some of them eventually do. And even infertile couples can adopt children. We like to think of marriage as being a celebration of love and caretaking—and while that's the core of marriage, that's not why the state recognizes it and supports it. We like to think that marriage is about love, but for the government it's all about sex.
Throughout our marriage, the tradition of the Halloween spreadsheet has helped us make the holiday our own. Thanksgiving and Christmas are constant negotiations in family demands and time management, but Halloween is all ours to enjoy. Together we carve pumpkins, play games and fuss over the spreadsheet. Often we are invited to parties, but we turn them down. Halloween is our night. And we do allow devils and witches, and all too often my pumpkins are sinister, but I understand now why my parents held so tightly to their traditions of Halloween. And no matter how crazy my future kids think the Halloween spreadsheet is, I going to make them do it.