Maybe the answer to the eternal porn debate isn't getting rid of porn, but exposing ourselves to more of it. And not just porn, all things sexual. Toys, workshops, bodies. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago I spent a weekend at the Adult Video Network Adult Entertainment Expo and Awards Show. I was exposed to vibrators that look like rubber duckies and masturbation devices for men, girls in bikinis blowing up balloons until they popped and films made to titillate that showed only bare feet. I saw women wearing nothing but paint, dancers sliding up and down … Read More

I've been really lucky. I have parents who have always told me that just because everyone else is doing it, does not mean that I have to do it too. I have a husband who has been willing to cast aside any pre-conceived notions he had about love and sex and marriage and relationships. I have a girlfriend who has let go of any socially contrived expectations in the name of being happy by following her own path instead of a path that others have prescribed for her. But last night, something happened.

You see, although I have been lucky to … Read More

I have a lot of friends and readers who ask me about dead-end relationships. They know they're in them but they're not sure how or if they even want to get out of them. It seems like the start of a new year is the perfect time to look at the makeup of the breakup.Here's the short version. If you know it's done, get out. I know, I know. There are all sorts of considerations—housing, pets, kids, years of history together, familial relationships, fear of being alone. But, if you don't want to be there, if you can … Read More

In this holiday season of gratitude and giving, I wanted to express my thanks for this forum in which to speak, and for all of you. I don't take lightly this opportunity, which allows me to share my thoughts and ideas despite their being considered less than typical in some circles. 

I am grateful too for the places in which I can "preach to the choir," so to speak. But here, I so very much value the chance to talk to people who, though different from me, are here to read with open minds and hearts, people who, like myself, … Read More

"Monogamy Is Good, And It's Here To Stay." I was leery about this piece the minute I saw the title. But as soon as I read it and saw the word "fad" used to describe the kind of relationship that I have been deliriously happy in for years (and the kind hundreds of other people I have met have been in for decades) I knew I was dealing with a classic case of fear and misunderstanding—a dangerous mix. I thought I might simply reply in the comments section, but I quickly realized that I had way too much … Read More

What about jealousy? It's the question everyone asks.  I thought I would focus on two emails I received on the subject, one from someone who is not married and one from someone who is; both people are dealing with the issue that always seems to come up whenever polyamory is discussed: jealousy.

Question: I am a bisexual woman and am in an open relationship. We have three major rules: no secrets, if we hook up with other people, we do it together, and no kissing other partners. We've had both good and bad experiences with both couples and … Read More

On October 4, 2008 Jenny Block spoke at the Poly Pride Rally in New York City. The rally was part of Poly Pride Weekend, a gathering for polyamorous people, those who maintain multiple loving relationships at the same time. Jenny is the author of Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, which all started here, in her essay, Portrait of an Open Marriage.

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I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say to you today. A lot. You're not an easy crowd, you know. First, … Read More

"You can't judge a book by its cover," the old adage goes. But we do, all the time. He's a player. She's a slut. He's uptight. She's frigid. Each of these titles comes from a different outward appearance and each suggests traits of the people behind the face, or inside the clothes. And it's not just personalities that people assume. It's also relationship styles.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty as the next girl when it comes to this. I see someone and off goes my brain, making decisions about who … Read More

I've been thinking about intimacy, those moments of understanding between two people where no words are, or need to be, spoken. I've been thinking about inside jokes between friends, new and old. I've been thinking about still being in my pajamas at noon, sitting toe to toe with another person, forgetting to eat, dissecting the lives we lead and that we want to lead. I've been thinking about intimacy that comes through sex and intimacy that develops outside of it. I've been thinking about roommates and lovers and family, relatives and strangers and even enemies.

I know what intimacy is. … Read More

Juliet: What's in a name?That which we call a roseBy any other name would smell as sweet.Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Those were Shakespeare's thoughts, but I'm not so sure. I have friends who have been together for seventeen years, a lesbian couple who live in California, and just got married. When they refer to one another they say, "my wife." But they said that even before the state deemed their love legal.

I have another pair of friends, also a lesbian couple, who got married in Hawaii years ago and were together for many years prior to … Read More