My 6-year-old daughter didn't wear make-up to school today. She wanted to but I reminded her that she was only six years old and make-up is for when you're older. As I was driving my (thankfully) make-up free daughter to school, my 3 year-old son attempted to climb into the front seat of the car because “I gonna drive it mommy!” to which I replied "There's not a d*mn chance in hell that's gonna happen buddy."
I’ve wanted to smoke pot for the longest time, but the universe, in the shape of my over-protective husband, has kept me from it. Not to mention it was forever on my conservative, iron-clad list of “don’t even think about its” ever since Nancy Reagan taught me as a child to Just Say No.
Jealousy is like a worm. It crawls in through your ear, with a whisper. It inches over your tongue as you speak words of bitterness. It feeds on the vulnerable parts of your being. It slithers along, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Jealousy is like a worm.
In order to avoid facing major change head on (like that breakup you know needs to happen), it's super common for people to create passive-aggressive diversions, distractions, and conflict to hint to their "significant other" that: Sorry, sweetie—you're just not that significant anymore.
Marriage is a serious institution, not to be entered into lightly...but that doesn't mean we can't make fun of it from time to time! And who does it better than the celebs in our favorite movies? Check out these hysterical sayings on marriage from films.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, last year the typical American made more than the year before. Not bad considering the economy isn’t where it was a decade ago. At $41,392 a year, that average yearly salary is up a whole 1.7 percent from just last year, which, of course gives us hope for the next year and the years that follow.
Whenever I watch Pride and Prejudice I think about how boring it must have been to live back then. Granted, they had all those balls and Dr. Darcy was a total fox, but when it came to sucking up all the hours in the day, I just don’t know how they did it. I know there was a lot of book reading, piano playing, and walking in circles in doors, for reasons I’ll never be able to understand, but what else? To get to the point, how did people survive before technology? As I type this with one hand and tweet my pondering on my phone with my other while watching TV and burning a DVD all at once, I really just don’t know how they did it. Magic, I suppose.
Starting WHEN, Tinder plans to roll out Tinder Plus subscriptions for $9.99 a month. With the subscription, you can have an unlimited amount of "likes" (which were prevously free), you can undo swipes (which is great for us drunk swipers), and interact with people who are outside your zipcode.
People often refer to Congress and politics in general as Hollywood for ugly people. That's mostly true. Most politicians, at least on the inside, are hideous (and the ones who aren't will be soon enough once they get the hang of things). Additionally, many politicians have really bad, albeit expensive, haircuts. But in order to get elected, politicians have to be attractive somehow, even if they're faking it (which they probably are, and again, if they're not, they will be soon enough).
As a humor writer, I try to write about everything.It's basically all that I know how to do. But the thing about writing humor is that it sometimes makes me feel like I'm hiding behind a mask and pretending I'm something I'm not. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm a person who loves to laugh -- and who loves to make other people laugh even more -- but most of the time, that's not me, or at least that's not how I feel. But it's hard to ignore what goes on in my head and even harder to write about depression. For one, there's the fear that writing about it makes you look weak and turns people off because it's not funny or light. Most people have their own problems, so why would they read about mine? The other trouble is that it is often incredibly difficult to articulate just how I feel. Deep depression is hard to understand, especially if you've never been there. It has manageable days that for me usually include writing something I don't hate or spending time outside. In other words, I function and appear to be fine.