Winners Can Be Choosers
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Winners Can Be Choosers

by Julie Robinson Just last month I won a goodies bag chock full of sex toys. A beautiful, pink vibrator bigger than most cocks I’ve seen, anyway. Slimy lube. Silky panties. Breath mints. Other people might say, “I can’t believe my luck!” I just say, “Yeah, I win shit.” Big shit. I’ve won a weekend in San Francisco, a Mediterranean cruise, a week to the South of France, and a weekend in Omaha, Nebraska (don’t ask).

Make My Day
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Make My Day

by Julie Robinson   Over the years I’ve become quite skilled at doing exactly what I want, when I want, simply because I want. This approach to life—make every day count—is a choice that has left me happy/completely broke/sexually charged/selfish and for the most part I’m okay with that. Here’s my recipe for preparing for a day of self-indulgence: 1 C of waking up without an alarm at a time that completely suits me—sometimes early, sometimes late

Cyber Cops from Hell
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Cyber Cops from Hell

by Julie Robinson   Dare I say it? I’ve been having some trouble with the police recently. No, I’m not getting pulled over for public nudity / speeding while intoxicated / cooking meth in a two-liter jug in the backseat of my Nissan crossover. No. The cops I’m talking about are those fucking annoying Craigslist self-appointed cyber cops who willy-nilly delete the, albeit, quasi-legitimate advertisements I post on Craigslist a regular basis trying to promote my totally legit business. Whew!

The Unbreakables
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The Unbreakables

by Julie Robinson Holding my tongue and smiling into the phone, I have my doubts. Shannon’s excitement grows as she shares yet another dripping wet detail about a friend whose marriage is breaking apart piece by piece. “He’s been hiring call girls when he travels. This has been going on for four years! And to think how indignant he acted when she admitted to her extramarital affairs.”

It's My Birthday:  Make a Wish and Blow
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It's My Birthday: Make a Wish and Blow

by Julie Robinson When it comes to sex, there are more than a few questions that make me squirm in my seat: What’s your “number”? Do you ever fuck girls? Is mine the biggest you’ve ever seen, baby? Who’s your Daddy?—they all leave me a bit perplexed about how truthful I want to be without having to launch into a full-blown explanation about my answer. I hate lying but, c’mon, is this really any of your business, buster?

Giving Chase
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Giving Chase

The reality is that I get tired of lying to guys. It’s also entirely possible that it can be blamed on the fact that I have become lazy, lethargic, and (quite frankly) impatient. The whole idea of waiting around for men to come to me—being coy, conniving, a challenge—has flown out the window to be replaced by a grown woman with a teenage boy’s libido.

Single Girl Shock Therapy
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Single Girl Shock Therapy

by Julie Robinson   He saw me before I saw him, so he may have even been watching me for a while sitting at the bar thinking about getting up the nerve to come over and talk to me. When he did make the call, got me to answer, and ambled on over, the first thing I noticed was the pancake make-up and blush. A split second after that I noted very bad, old hair plugs. On the other hand, it could have been a poorly constructed wig.

Baby Got Backpage
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Baby Got Backpage

by Julie Robinson  Seeing that I don’t ever buy sex, it didn’t really surprise me that I hadn’t heard of a popular webpage entirely devoted to selling sex. What did surprise me is that I learned about this backpage of whores for hire while on a date. Kent and I met about a month ago after he bought the entire bar a round of drinks. This caused me to take note for a couple of reasons: 1. Kent is a tall, attractive older man

Short and Fat
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Short and Fat

by Julie Robinson “She’s nearly 5’ 11” and she’s at least 200 pounds.” The grimace on Frank’s face says it all: My girlfriend is fat and I can’t stand it. Quietly, I wait for the: she’s got a pretty face--but it never comes.

My Oh-So Sturdy Camelback:  Will There Ever Be a Last Straw?
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My Oh-So Sturdy Camelback: Will There Ever Be a Last Straw?

by Julie Robinson   Jail was the furthest thing from my mind as I went about my day after Todd was a “no call / no show” for what would have been our second date.  In fact, I didn’t give him much thought at all during the week after our aborted day in the park with the dog and a Frisbee.  Is it possible I’ve actually gotten used to being stood up?  Besides, he wasn’t as cute as I thought he would be based on his picture.  Damn, he sure could kiss, though.  Todd

Two of My Lovers Walk Into a Bar . . . . .
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Two of My Lovers Walk Into a Bar . . . . .

by Julie Robinson   Sometimes the stars align just right and you find yourself the center of attention, surrounded by suitors who want nothing more than to wine and dine you. These are the kinds of nights when it pays tenfold to be a single girl. You look fabulous, feel even better, and say such witty, delightfully charming shit—you wonder what really cool alien sucked out your brain and implanted itself. If you’re me, the stars collide and . . . .

Can You Live This Fantasy Life?
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Can You Live This Fantasy Life?

by Julie Robinson    They may not be the words every girl wishes to hear in her lifetime, but “I want you to be my bad girl” rings like bells in my ears the morning Devin texts that delightful little proposal to me.  Being exclusively bad with a man has been my secret little fantasy.  If I was going to give it all to my man why would I want to behave?