![7 Steps To Creating Compassion In Your Life [EXPERT]](http://images.tangomag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/node-full/image_blog/mother_consoles_daughter.jpg "7 Steps To Creating Compassion In Your Life [EXPERT]")
People usually confuse guilt with shame. Guilt is a feeling that you have done something wrong whereas shame says I am bad. When we feel shame we want to hide and we certainly do not want to talk about it. This is where compassion comes in, to help with these difficult feelings.
Let's get clear about you. Our minds tell us many things, some are true some are not. We all want to be clear and feel connection to our true selves. Sometimes what that is can be confusing to us. Follow these steps to get clear: 1:Connect with your body.Notice sensations in your body and let these sensations speak to you. Your body doesn't lie. For example: If you have tension in your chest ask yourself, what this tension is representing to you. Usually body sensations are physical reactions to something you are thinking about.
When someone hurts you or offends you in some way, do you have a hard time letting it go? Do you hold grudges against these people for a long time, even though you'd just like to move on? How Do I Avoid Making The Same Mistakes In New Relationships? [VIDEO] In this video, Therapist, Author and YourTango Expert Dr. Bonnie Weil helps a reader who has the tendency of holding such grudges against anyone who has ever hurt her. She says it affects everything she does and she doesn't want it to ruin her new relationship.
When we feel out of control, we feel helpless, powerless or hopeless. When we're sick, worried about finances, feeling a sense of lack or just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, the need to be in control increases. Subconsciously, we tell ourselves we are a victim, not lovable or not good enough. We get angry at our situation and try to control whatever or whomever else we can. You can be sure that the power struggles aren't far behind as we jockey to be heard, to be right, to tell our partner how to do things. Thinking someone or something has "happened to us", we talk over one another or diverge from the agenda at hand all in the name of eliminating the uncomfortable tension of the situation. It seems like the harder we try to control another person, the more we lose it ourselves. Can you relate?
![Should I End This Relationship? [EXPERT]](http://images.tangomag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/node-full/images/lovecuffs.jpg "Should I End This Relationship? [EXPERT]")
In the many years I've been counseling, thousands of couples have come to me wondering if they should end their relationship. Most of these people were in love at one point but are now miserable with each other, or one partner is miserable with the other. Generally, they don't know what the real problem is. They know what they don't like about the other person. They know they can't communicate about what is important to them.
Giving your children an age appropriate and respectful explanation of your decision to split can even be a relief from the constant feeling of tension not knowing what could happen. The costs of living in an environment that always feels tense and strained is toxic for overall health and well-being.
In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy." In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "active listen," which means to reflect back to the speaker the feelings and information they are trying to convey.
"My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job," Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. "She feels so alone and lost when I'm gone. When I talk with her she is either crying or angry. I feel so badly and guilty but I don't know what to do." "Do you feel responsibility for her feelings?" I asked him. "Do you feel that you are the cause of her feelings?" "Yes."
A relationship without basic trust has no security. Without trust there's no way to predict another person's behaviors, which can make us consumed with anxiety. Since we can't stand anxiety, we resort to blame. And blame kills relationships.
Do you turn into a shrew when you get stressed out or unnecessarily panic in a crisis? It's OK; no one is perfect—we all have our little idiosyncrasies, quirks, or bad habits that we'd rather repress than own. But in order to have better relationships with ourselves and our partners, it's important to embrace these individual flaws or "shadows," and move from living in a mode of denial and self-criticism to one that's more loving.
How do you shift from being co-dependent on your partner(s) into finding your way of being happy and powerful in your relationships and in the world? How can you be interdependent and enjoying co-creative process without falling into an old paradigm of “I need you! I want you! I cannot live without you!"?
