Producers of shows such as The Bachelor don't want you to know this. Peddlers of dating guides try to keep it a secret. Some of my fellow scholars pretend it's not true. But it is true. Plenty of single people are leading happy and successful lives. I've been studying singles for well over a decade, and I'm happy to let you in on the seven habits of highly successful singles.
Pinkee here~ Everyday this week I have woken up feeling scared. That’s because I made a new commitment this week. I recommitted to jogging. So every morning, I have woken up and my first thoughts have been things like: ‘Oh, no, I have to jog. I hope I can do it. I hope I don’t sprain my ankle again. I hope I’m not too tired after doing this.’ Now, if I went on with my whole day this way, I’d probably never get out of bed. So, every day I have chosen to make a shift. I have moved from fear to its opposite, love.
Loving yourself is a prerequisite for co-creating a loving relationship. Pinkee here~ For those of you out there who are single, or who may be in relationship, today I am going to address the issue of loving yourself. As we have said many times on the show, it is a prerequisite for co-creating a loving relationship. In particular, I want to talk about how you can love your physical body.
Pinkee here~ We all have expectations in relationships. Where do they come from? They come from our earliest memories of fairy tales. The come from what we learned from our parents or other primary caregivers. They come from the media- television, movies, and advertising. In an sense, it doesn’t matter where they come from- the point is, we have them.
Pinkee here~ In my ongoing theme on grief, today I am going to write about healthy grieving. What does it look like? It is you staying home and sulking for days, weeks, or months, continuously? Is it you yelling, slamming things, or crying once for a half hour, saying “glad that’s over” and then moving on? Is it you deciding that you must not enjoy anything in life ever again because that would be mean you didn’t really love the person you’ve lost? Nope, none of the above.
Pinkee here~ Once that final decision has been made to cut the cord of a relationship, whether it was mainly your idea or the other person’s, you will have feelings that need to be felt and expressed. You do have a choice. You can choose to grieve or not. Basically there are two types of not grieving. The first type may look like grieving, but it’s really not.
Pinkee here~ Ok, now I am about to say something that is potentially very controversial (but you know I thrive on that kind of thing). God did not invent monogamy or, for that matter, marriage- humans did. I’m not telling you not to be monogamous. You surely can and may choose that if it is what feels good and right to you and your partner. I’m simply suggesting that you make the choice (and, well, all of your choices) from a place on consciousness rather than default.
Lila here~ A funny thing happens when you’ve been with the same person for a really long time. Even if you still like them a lot, you may find that you’re just not that into having sex with them… or so you think. Your libido may be waning, or there are too many other details on your mind between work and managing the home, or the kids are clamoring for attention; there are plenty of excuses not to hav
Lila here, I’ve been spending a lot of time over the past two weeks strategizing how I want to run my business this year. Today it occurred to me that it would be really helpful to strategize my relationship in much the same way. Great things don’t just happen; they happen after careful, specific planning toward an intended goal and consistent action aligned with that goal. It really doesn’t matter what area of your life you’re thinking about, but most people spend more time planning their vaca
Pinkee here~ Hi guys. As with most things in life, the answer is complicated. First, it’s yes. Yes, there really are women out there who may want the same thing you do. They have sexual needs just as you do. And yes, they are able to have sex with you without developing deep feelings and falling in love. This may all sound great in the beginning. Wow. Sex. And no strings. No bitching. No her getting mad at you because you’re going out with the guys. Every man’s dream, right?
Lila here~ I have a confession to make. For four years, I wanted my husband to be dead. It started off innocently enough. I had a premonition that he was going to be in an accident, and I told him about it. About a week later while mountain biking, he had two very near, very real brushes with death. This was in 2004, about a year after we had moved to Hawai’i. 2003 was the first time I admitted we might not live happily ever after, but things were still pretty good at that point. I certainly didn’t want him dead&mdas
Pinkee here~ I made a recent discovery, with Lila’s help. You know that phrase, ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you?’ It is often used as a preface to dumping someone. However, If you’ve been with your partner for more than say six months, it’s completely normal to feel that way. After all these years, I was still buying into the idea of romantic love that we are all sold by our society, that we should have that in love feeling forever, and that if we don’t there‘s something wrong and we should get
Pinkee here~ For those of you who listened to our recent show, you probably heard us talking about an article from Men’s Health in which the sexual and dating preferences and behaviors of women in their 20's, 30's, and 40's were discussed. I thought it was such valuable information that I decided to summarize it here.
Lila here~ Men and women crave intimacy, even if we do it in different ways. However, the intimacy that often arises in long term relationships is not usually the type of intimacy that fosters growth in relationships. Instead, as with everything else, it arises by default.
Pinkee here~Personally I’m not that into New Year’s resolutions, but if you are I do have a recommendation. I know you’re thinking along the lines of getting in better shape or making more money in 2011, right? Or maybe you want to quit smoking, drinking, or eating junk food?
Lila here~ I started an experiment a few months ago, and have gathered enough research that I can confidently share it with you now, just in time for Festivus, Christmas, or New Years; whichever you celebrate. It started with a premise that nobody wants to be miserable. Even people that act miserable on a regular basis would rather not feel miserable. But they’re in pain, so they lash out. The pain they feel is the result of feeling unloved, unlovable or unworthy in some way.
Lila here~ One of the dynamics that plays out with long term relationships is that you get into arguments. And not just any kind of arguments, but the kind that push every last button you have. The fight may begin innocently enough, but it escalates to the point where you feel totally unsafe around your partner.