Everyone tells you how important it is to stay connected to your spouse once you have a child. What they don't tell you is how hard that is to do, since all you really want do on a night off is sleep. A recent haphazard date night my husband and I had highlights this conundrum well.
Moms frequently compete over their parenting abilities. Men, on the other hand, compete over their ability conceive quickly. It must have something to do with sports. Every guy wants to hit a home run.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I discussed the issue that could eventually end our relationship. One of us wants a baby someday, and the other isn't so sure. My boyfriend knows he wants to be a dad. He's in his early thirties in New York City, which is like being 24 in any part of the country. Luckily, he's got decades of fertility ahead of him. The clock's not ticking yet. But it will. My clock's digital. Or maybe I can't tell time. All I know is that I don't know if I want kids. I'm great with them. I've wondered what it would be like to have a child with a few men I've dated. Yet I feel that many people have children out of a sense of obligation or for selfish reasons. I wouldn't consider it settling to be the cool aunt, instead of a mom.
It was like the post-WWII baby boom at my publishing company in Manhattan. The ladies' room was full of women patting their stomachs, complaining about morning sickness that lasted all day and chugging Cheerios to battle nausea. I had never seen anything like it at any place I've ever worked.
When Amy Tucker of Columbia, Ill., gave birth to a healthy baby boy last May, she made headlines. The 32-year-old cancer survivor was no ordinary new mom. Thirteen years ago, when Tucker was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, she knew the cancer treatment would leave her infertile, so she elected to have one of her ovaries frozen for later re-implantation when she was cancer-free and ready to have kids. Freezing ovaries is allowing women to prolong their fertility after 40.
My husband and I generally agree on things. Whether this is due to similar outlooks or the fact that he does his best not to butt heads with me I’m not sure, but whatever the reason, the result is a home and family that’s overall pretty harmonious. In fact, until recently, pretty much the only thing we regularly disagreed about was whether pizza should actually qualify as a food group. (It shouldn’t.) I was surprised to find out this past June that I was pregnant a third time and our headcount would be increasing again. I was even more surprised to learn a couple of months later that we were having a girl. I had the perfect name. So did my husband. They were not the same name. And neither of us is budging.
A recent study out of Israel suggests a man's oxytocin levels may actually be on par with their wives/girlfriends during the child rearing process. Researchers drew blood from 80 couples who were raising a six-week old baby and found identical amounts in their blood stream. As the child matured to six months, the scientists once again analyzed the levels and found the same result. It seems that a mother and father's oxytocin levels rise together while they watch their wee one grow.
What is the difference between sexuality and sensuality?
So many things can change in the time before you're ready to settle down. Your boyfriend may change his mind about kids; you may change your mind about kids. Or, what's perhaps more likely, you may break up for totally unrelated reasons.
I’m smack in the middle of my 30s and recently married. For some childless women my age, this is tick-tick-tick time. However, while other women may be intimately in touch with their ovulation cycles, I’m in no hurry to have kids now, if ever. My old man and I have talked about it, but we’re both horrified by how much our lives would have to change—not to mention how big a pain in the ass kids are for, oh, say, 18 years.
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