Adults love to give kids warnings when a rule is broken and would love to believe warnings are a highly compassionate method of parenting, a reflection of our loving and kind humanity. But guess what? Warnings may be the farthest thing from true compassion. Though almost always well-intentioned, warnings will routinely backfire. Here are the main reasons why:
A few years ago I was waiting in a doctor's office and, having forgotten to bring the parenting book I was studying, was at the mercy of Muzak. One of the songs that came on was a Céline Dion hit written by Diane Warren, "Because You Loved Me." I listened to the words—yes, I was bored!—and was put off by what I heard as sappy co-dependency between lovers:
When I was a child, it seemed like every adult in my zip code had an uncanny skill for making a “mountain out of a molehill.” In other words, of taking the smallest shred of negativity and amplifying all the tyranny and rottenness that shred of negativity may have implied. Before I go any further, let me give credit where credit is due. Exaggeration—the ability to weave a grand story out of next to nothing—is a very creative endeavor. It takes a keen eye, creative determination, and a lofty ability to wax poetic on all that is wrong.
Failed time-outs can be a huge source of frustration for parents and teachers, making them question their skills and abilities, and leading to the belief that they need to escalate severity to get consequences to work. This can easily result in stronger and stronger reprimands, lectures, and even yelling, along with more and more drastic and punitive consequences. This is typically a recipe for disaster. There is a much better way. Really understanding why time-outs don’t work is the place to begin.
So many kind and thoughtful parents are trying so hard to simply have a lovingly positive impact on their child, only to see the child slip further and further into the realm of being “challenging.” This is so prevalent, even among the best and brightest parents. Difficult child behavior comprises a quiet epidemic – the kind that brings so many to their knees.
There is a quiet despair among so many loving, smart, and deeply caring parents. They so desire to see their children manifest their greatness, to use their intensity well instead of having it go awry, and too often they see their best efforts to inspire respectful and responsible choices slip away to further levels of frustration.
10 Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends © Judy H. Wright, www.ArtichokePress.com Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry “nobody likes me” or”I don’t have any friends.” We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground.
How long do you breast feed your baby? Will it make your boobs hang down? Will it limit sex if your breasts leak during foreplay? Will it mean that mom and dad can never go out on a date without bringing baby along? Will my husband still think I am sexy when he sees me breastfeeding? What happens when I go back to work?
On his website, Amderson Cooper poses the question, "Are you an unconventional parent?" Initially, the question confused me. What is unconventional? Is it the millions-of-years-old, affectionate, closeness-seeking child rearing? Or is it the less-than-hundred-years-old stimuli-response based non-affectionate style? And, more importantly, whose advice should we follow?
Last week I was talking about two different approach to child rearing: the ancient, closeness seeking bonding between mother and child and the stimuli-response style "Let the child learn from I don't react style." Here it is: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/zita-fekete/unconventional-parenting-part-1
When my daughter was born, I was determined to be a breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, cloth diapering, hippie mama. Nine months later, the only thing that'd stuck was the cloth diapers. I had just started my daughter on formula, she had been in the sling exactly five times and never once slept in her fancy little co-sleeper, which I returned to the store. And yes, I felt like a failure.
The cover of the latest issue of TIME magazine horrified not only many people in our office, but pretty much the entire Internet. It shows a three-year-old boy sucking on his mother's breast while standing on a chair. The cover illustrates an article about the origins of "attachment parenting."
If you had showed me this Time Magazine cover, featuring a mother breastfeeding her toddler who is STANDING UP, one year ago, I would have laughed. "Not me! That won't be me! I will breastfeed until she's around one. 10 months maybe?" Yet there I was the other day, nursing an almost one-year-old who was...standing up.
I’m not here to talk about the safety of bed sharing. There are experts and studies for that. Co-sleeping works for us. It might not work for you, maybe it didn’t work for your neighbor or your cousin in Indiana.
It is well established that free play is vital to the development of our children. You may be wondering what you can do at home to help. How do we cultivate creativity and a sense of play in our children? Here are some ideas. With Babies: 1) Play the musical face game. Assign each part of the face or the body a sound and then “play” those sounds as you touch them. This is a great way to get rid of the crankies! Watch my how to video from our musical parenting course here.
For most of us, a new year is synonymous with a brand new you. But what happens if we resolve to simply quash the self-improvement urge? This new year, I resolve not to resolve. Don't confuse my promise not to improve as a refusal to grow or change. It's just that after seven-and-a-half months as a first time mother, I'm tired of feeling like I could be doing more. Doing better. Slowing down. Enjoying the moment. All while anticipating the next milestone and celebrating accomplishments. And then, wishing time would slow down; because after all, they're growing up too fast.