Comment: I don't know about the rest of you, but this continued segregation of the sexes ("Man's opinion on..." "Woman's needs for..." etc) is starting to really annoy me. Not ALL men feel this way. Not ALL women think this way. This woman's perspective doesn't reflect mine. This man's values doesn't echo mine either. So why this continual appeal to essentialism? ("All women"/"all men" etc). I know we like to separate the sexes, but I don't think that men and women have to always be separated so clearly. There are lots of supposedly "male" perspectives that I find myself identifying with; and lots of "female" ones I can't. Judging from these comments, I'm not the only one. And what about homosexual desire? Or transgender people? Why are all of these articles on heterosexuality? And with such clear and mainly stereotypical gender roles? I'd like to see articles that explore a more nuanced idea of relationships: like what Lyz says, "I don't think people who are for open relationships are for cheating" -- why not include that perspective? Writing about women and men, of all persuasions, and of various stripes, too -- these are the experiences that make life interesting, after all.

Comment: What about the guy mature enough to say, "Well, I hope she calls; maybe she just wants to take it slow/get to know me better"? Women tend to be worried about sleeping with a guy or making out rightaway, especially since some men have hangups about that kind of behaviour. And women clearly do, too.

Comment: Anything by that crazy woman Peaches. Especially anything involving shouting and jumping up and down.

Comment: @Mango: Totally agree. This man is making you do a lot of work for a lot of heartache. Why are you putting yourself and your son in this situation? Move on, and don't look back. Life is finite, and we only get to live it once (that we can remember, anyway -- if you believe in reincarnation). Make choices that you know you can live with in the long-run. Think about what you'd say as a mother to your grown son: having to explain to him what behaviour you had and why you did it. What would you be able to explain, and what would you be too embarrassed to deal with? Then cut out the embarrassing/regretful behaviour in the present, and move on.

Comment: I can think of a one. The woman outed the man on Facebook for his cheating ways, posting on his wall and making him have to cancel his account. All of his work colleagues and high school friends read the detailed post. But what about men getting even? There's got to be stories, too.

Comment: I'm surprised this generated the comments it did. I don't know why it's anyone's business whether first date sex should or should not be done, let alone whether it can or cannot lead to a longer term relationship. Whether a relationship develops really depends on what happens after the initial meeting, whether that's sex, or a celibate date, or whatever. However, there does seem to be interesting evidence of sex increasing the presence of some chemicals in the brain that encourage bonding: http://datehazard.wordpress.com/2009/02/15/love-explained/ Personally, that link doesn't quite explain my own experiences: I've slept with guys who I've never developed a real bond with, and never slept with others I can't stop thinking about (as well as other permutations and combinations, of course). And no, alcohol wasn't involved in those scenarios. That's one thing I will say: when I sleep with someone I like to make sure I have my wits about me, and am able to fully enjoy the experience. Whether it's the first time, the seventeenth time, or the last time I'll ever meet them.

Comment: Go with your feelings. If you don't feel right using his things if he's not around, then don't. Our ideas of what's right sometimes doesn't help. Don't torture yourself if you don't have to. You're living your life for yourself, not for what someone else might think is right.

Comment: @DailyRenewal: "Nothing stays the same, including love. Do not worry about tomorrow, which you cannot control" Lovely. And very wisely put.

Comment: Agreed. This sounds very strange indeed. You don't have control over someone else's actions, but you do over your own. Good luck!

Comment: If talking is not helping, I'll make an unpopular suggestion: try checking his cell phone. People say that trust is important in a relationship. I agree. And if one party is behaving in a way that is causing concern and/or suspicion and talking to him has gone nowhere, then it's important to know what's happening. The biggest hindrance to this is the feeling of guilt and betrayal for invading someone else's private space. Of course that is precisely what you're doing. But you'll get over it. If the cell phone turns up nothing, suggest couples therapy and be firm about it. Tell him that his defensiveness is not helping and that you are trying to prevent more stress. Sit him down and explain why it is important for him to not be defensive, because you need to have some answers. If he refuses and this keeps going on, you need to set yourself a timeline. How long are you prepared to put up with this situation as is? What are some other options that you have? You don't have to just stay or just go. There are multiple ways to deal with any situation. Once you've decided what your course of action is going to be, stick to it. Tell your friends and make sure you have a good support base before you decide to go ahead. You'll need their encouragement and help, regardless of whatever choices you choose. Most of all: good luck.