Comment: Though I work with so many women over 40 who, instead of feeling MORE themselves, and more COMFORTABLE with themselves, have been increasingly feeling needy, desperate and hopeless around relationships and marriage -- I've also seen these same women change their lives DRAMATICALLY so much more quickly than younger women, once they have some guidance and Tools. We are actually more willing to try something new and give up what's old and doesn't work. We're more willing to throw over the Nasty Voices in our heads and get our OWN view of ourselves. We're more willing, and often EXCITED to enter a new chapter of our lives that's about our own happiness. Thanks for this post (I love everything you post on this site...) Rori

Comment: I am friends with a woman in a true polyamorous lifestyle, like the wonderful comment here, and so I know that can work...though I've known and heard of many that did not survive because one attachment became stronger than the others and the "second class" partners moved on...and I also know much about the "swinging" lifestyle...where the couple participate together with other couples, often in party and group settings. Then I've coached women who were unhappily married and having an affair...the affair attachment was always stronger chemically, the marriage stronger security-wise...and coached women who were working to repair marriages where there had been affairs. And nearly every woman I talk to who is with a man over fifty is experiencing the problems of low libido, low testosterone, and the necessity for drug-enhanced sex. "Open marriage" is something I've never encountered...where the partners are simply free to come and go as they please with or without explanation. It seems on paper like a good option for a relationship that's a good friendship but not a good match sexually -- the total relief of pressure around sex could be so totally wonderful. To me...this is all in the hands of the husband. He can either stay or go. He can find another woman who's a better match for him and leave this marriage...or stay. He can take his time. He can have as much sex as he wants without rationing his wife. It's way better than divorce. But things change. Priorities change. I look forward to following Jenny's story. It's sad simply to have married a person who is not a match for you in such an important way...and yet pretty cool to find such a deep friendship and love. Sex isn't all. It's only a part. I'm all for experimenting in this one life. One thing though... disease. Isn't that the pits? I'm sure her husband figures she's being "safe" - and that if he were to be single again he'd face the same health dilemma...but it's got to weigh on your mind.

Comment: I don't get this. I'm a relationship coach, and what I see are lonely men. Men who'd kill to be married and have a companion and steady sex, even though they may dream of having sex with a different girl every night. Most men don't ever get the kind of wild sex life they dream about - and many men start losing libido and testosterone around 50 - and want to just cuddle. Some men are physical in nature, and sex is part of that. Some are more emotional, and they work sexually just the way most of us women do. This is a young man's game. And a young woman's game, too - because women "cheat" too. If a marriage isn't strong enough and sexy enough to keep other women at bay, then that's where you start - or perhaps end. Polyamory is all the rage now. Open marriage where you don't lie. Seems to me this is the only way to do it - lying is the problem, not the sex. This is a huge issue - and I think sexless marriage is the place to start with this whole question - and then the nature of a person who would rather lie to his or her spouse than deal with the situation as it stands. Even as a single man or woman - you sometimes pass up the one-night stand or the bad news casual sex (bad news because you know there are going to be strings attached). Big discussion, and thank you for starting it. Rori Raye

Comment: What a great, great, informative post. I will be sending my readers here. Not only is everything you say true physically - there's an emotional benefit to masturbating, too - you get to work on your fear of intimacy. How? Try imagining a gorgeous, drop-dead amazing man with you. Experience how shy you feel, and slowly work with it, relax, breathe - it's sort of yoga-sex when you treat it as a form of meditation - Tantra. If you're like most women, you'll get even shyer and tense up. This is such a great clue to work with opening up, melting, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to a man, let loose your sensuality - and even doing this a few times will almost completely shift your "vibe" out there in the world. Thanks for the post, Rori Raye (http://blog.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com)

Comment: We women are so TOTALLY flexible. I find my vagina responding when I read about violence - and that's very disturbing and, I believe - totally common. I don't understand it, but I can feel the blood flow. I think there's something primal about all this. It doesn't FEEL like arousal, but something happens in the vagina. On the other hand - I think ALL women are turned on in every way by other women - just bodies standing there, and photographed during sex - we just don't all want to acknowledge it. To me - it's about eroticism. I understand the "male" labeled thing about feeling intense eroticism and wanting to have sex, and then feeling nothing right afterward - I think most women can relate to that. And I don't think it's sexuality without any connection to emotionality, either. I think something we perceive in the image or the person on the street hits us on a lot of levels. It's very mysterious, it defies categorization - and what ENERGY there is there! Thanks for the post, Rori Raye