Comment: Yes, that's true. But the a-holes also get stuck with women who are obviously just as self-absorbed, or have low self esteem. or who are just dumb. So it all pans out. Men are just as guilty, by the way, of "falling in love" with sluts and passing up the good girls. My advice is live and learn and focus on whether you want to end up happy or end up "popular."

Comment: What's wrong with being a narc? I scored 70 out of 100 for a psyche exam I took for being a narc (not specifically FOR that but still...) and I have to say I have probably more close relationships with men and women than anyone I know. I think there's nothing wrong with being self absorbed as long as you aren't selfish and unaware of others. But that's just me. No pun intended.

Comment: I agree completely. I think we have an illusion that we can "have it all." What we've really done is lost our priorities and become more and more self centered and selfish and at the root of all this is certainly a portion of ourselves that has grown overly concerned with what other people's values are and what they will think of us. Ugly. Women are drawn into the concept of what the media manufactures as "love." Let me tell you, I wasted a lot of years on men who lived hard and fast--good looks and money--and what I "settled" for is what all women complain are all gone, but don't really want in the first place--a GOOD GUY. Foolish women are far too busy picking up the rocks looking for the pot of gold and dividing their time to MAKE the pot of gold as well. There are women in countries who still have arranged marriages and I'm challenging the perception that this is not a good idea. It's a different idea and it certainly has its perks over some of our own cultural "norms" and habbits. Americans have a very limited and selfish idea of "love" and as we have daughters (often from two or three different daddies) we are teaching them the same easy and non-realistic ideals when choosing a partner. I'll end this with some advice--pick someone who doesn't argue with you all the time and who shares your hobbies and values. That is way more valuable than a lot of menial things we hold a a "standard."

Comment: Well, I come from a traditional Christian background and while I wouldn't call myself a traditional Christian I would call myself someone who adheres to a belief in Jesus as God and the truth of the Bible. Things like this are foreign to me and I would be curious to understand how this sort of lifestyle works for a couple and what sort of psychology starts the interest. Forgive me, but I feel that women in particular are naturally relationship oriented, especially where monogamy is concerned and I've always sort of felt that people who migrate towards this sort of event have been hurt and/or abused in their past. Sure, I think some people are just openly sexually promiscuous because they want to be or they are "just like that" but for the majority--nah. Something has gone wrong. I would openly welcome friendship with participants to find out more about their interests and personality outside of sex.