Most days these days, I can name a few reasons to be angry at my guy, The Spaniard. Truly. We’ve been through seemingly endless challenges — some self-created and others lobbed at us by an invisible, arbitrary all-star pitcher — and there are many times I’ve asked myself why, oh why, did he not handle x differently? (Read: The way I would have wanted him to.)
You have heard yourself say it many times, this resolution to do better next time. Each time you fall down, you promise yourself and anyone else who will listen, that this is the last time. You know better now. You will not do it again. But you do. So why is it that so many of us work so hard to be the best and do the best we possibly can, only to fail over and over again?
If you look at the world as if it were a garden, you will notice that all of us are like flowers and plants. Some people are roses or daffodils; others are like shrubs or wild flowers. Some are weeds; some are vegetables. I learned this philosophy many years ago from a very wise minister.
One of the most common things I hear from the couples who come to me for help is that they want to communicate better. When I explore a little deeper, I'm told what they really want is to stop fighting. At the heart of this problem is that one, or both, of the partners gets emotionally upset. This upset often is expressed as anger. So what I'm really being asked to help them with is how to control anger.
Bringing your pre-relationship Anger ‘luggage' into your marriage can sometimes be a positive thing, believe it or not. Have you noticed, everyone is becoming edgier, crankier? Lately, I have been noticing at an alarming rate of increase, people around me, on the streets, driving, standing on line getting coffee, are short fused. Say ‘good-bye' to common courtesy, being polite, or, being appropriate in public.
Our world is filled with anger and aggression. Newspaper headlines scream about fighting all over the globe, violence in our neighborhoods and abuse in our families. Turn on the TV or go to the movies and you will be flooded with images depicting horrendous crimes, bloodshed, and brutality. We are so comfortable living in a hostile society that we spend millions of dollars purchasing violent video games for our children without realizing that we are contributing to this problem.
Everyone gets angry from time to time, but to keep your relationships healthy you need to figure out what your anger is telling you, and then communicate it the best way you can. Our personal development coach helps you figure out the steps.
I received the following in an email: “There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
Unfortunately, it's easy to let anger contaminate our relationships. When we give in to anger, we lose control in the moment and then feel guilty for the damage it does to our loved ones. So how can we take better control of our emotions?
Although every divorce is unique, most result in an abundance of post-divorce anger. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and it's quite normal. It's unresolved anger that is corrosive and toxic. Like being in a burning house, it sucks the life out of you. Acknowledging persistent anger, and committing to do something about it, is step one. Step two is managing your anger. Here are some things to try:
Millions of people from all across the nation voted for the candidate that they believed would be the best choice as the next President of the United States earlier this week. If you voted, and your candidate for President wasn't elected, then you are probably experiencing a number of emotions: You might be feeling sad, disappointed, confused, hopeless, numb … but for some people, the feeling that may likely stand out head and shoulders above the rest, is the feeling of anger.